


The Third Hit

by MJ_Oswald



Series: The Unconventional Zombie Tale [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe-Zombie Apocalypse, Canon Disabled Character, Experimentation, Hydra, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, No Smut, Rape, Slow Build, Steve Needs a Hug, The Red Room, alternate universe-teenagers, bi! steve, canon similarities, from bucky, lots of blood, major character death took place before story, mentions of books, okay yeah it's a slow build i mean there are 22k words so far and nothing, pan! bucky, pre-serum steve, somewhat of a slow build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-06 01:57:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 39,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1840108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJ_Oswald/pseuds/MJ_Oswald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Peggy died Steve Rogers was on his own, fending off zombies with a metal baseball bat. Then he met Bucky Barnes. In a journey through a post-apocalypse world, Bucky and Steve are off to Canada to find the one person who can help get rid of the zombies forever. Howard Stark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Radioactive

There were only two reasons why Steve Rogers was still alive after being alone for one month. The first thing, a metal baseball bat.

He found it in an alley, clutched in a dead man’s fist, covered with dried blood. He had to pry it from his fingers. It turned out very useful, smashing zombie heads and all, very important for surviving the apocalypse. Not his first choice, but it wasn’t a bad option. It got to the point where he would clutch the bat in his hands while he slept, prepared to strike. He wished he could use it to fight off the nightmares too, but there was no getting rid of those. Peggy’s screams would wake him like they always did, only for him to see she wasn’t there anymore, just him and a dead man’s metal bat.

The second thing that’s kept him alive was Bucky Barnes.

Steve was exhausted. He didn’t know how long he had been running, all he knew was that it was too long. He was gasping for air, his short, skinny legs felt like they were about to collapse beneath him. But he couldn’t stop. If he stopped he died, it was that simple. The metal bat he clutched in his left hand was damp with sweat. His head was spinning, his cheeks were hot with the rancid blood from bashing one of the zombies’ head off. It wasn’t helping him right now.

He quickly turned into one of the abandoned allies that littered the city, hoping for a fire escape, maybe a garbage can to duck into...

Nothing. Just damp puddles from leaky pipes and a cold brick wall. The sounds of the hoard were right behind him. He turned to see seven of them shuffling towards him, their poison saliva dripping from their unclenched mouths, their dead, moldy, bloody skin stinking up the alley, striking fear into Steve’s heart. He swallowed that fear and raised his bat.

 _Can’t wait to see you Peggy_. he thought to himself, knowing he was going to die right there. He should have died. But then he heard a gunshot and a zombie’s head blew off, the body collapsing to the ground. The other’s took no mind and kept shuffling towards Steve. Another gunshot, another zombie head blown to pieces, bits of gore landing on Steve’s shoes. The first zombie reached him and he swung his bat, bashing the zombie head clean off it’s shoulders. More gunshots, more rotten blood spewing everywhere. Steve looked around madly to find the shooter but saw no one. Another zombie came at him. BAM! Another head rolled away. Two more gunshots went off and the last zombies fell. Their rancid smell was giving Steve a head ache. Someone dropped from one of the roofs, landing in a crouch. Steve raised his bat wearily. The person chuckled.

“Now why would I save your ass just to kill you? You don’t have anything good on you, just a crappy bat and a sleeping bag. Not to mention, if I was going to kill you, you’d already be dead.” the stranger said. The voice was definitely male with a Brooklyn accent, kind of like Steve’s. It did make sense though. But he wasn’t ready to let his guard down so quickly yet.

“I’ve learned to be less trusting, what with the apocalypse and all in case you missed it.” Steve told the stranger, who was still concealed by shadow.

“I can get that.” Steve’s savior replied simply. They stood in silence, Steve still in defense position. The stranger spoke.

“What are you doing alone anyway? Everyone knows it’s better to be in groups against the zombies, expecially for a scrawny kid like you, what are you? Thirteen?”

Steve stood a little higher. He did not like being insulted because of his hight. People always thought he was younger then he actually was. It could get annoying. Plus he had to hide his hurt over the group comment. He used to have a group, him and Peggy. The two of them against the world. Now she was gone.

“I’m seventeen. And I work better alone.” Steve told the shadowed person.

“Yes, I could tell by on how great you were fighting off these guys.” the stranger gestured to the bodies of the zombies. “Don’t get me wrong, you did great on the two, but this right here is considered a small pack. How can you face ten? Twenty? How did you even survive this long?”

“How did you? It doesn’t look like your with anyone either.” Steve said defensively. The shadow shrugged.

“Guess I’m special.”

More silence. The stranger spoke again.

“I’m seventeen too.” he whispered. Steve’s eyes widened. He did not expect his savior to be a teenager like him. A lot of them got swept up by the government shortly after the zombies came.

“They didn’t take you?” Steve asked him. The stranger shook his head. Silence. Again. The stranger began to walk away. Panic surged through Steve’s chest.

“Wait!” he called out. The figure stopped.

“Where are you going?” Steve continued, not knowing what else to say, he just didn’t want to be alone again. This was the first live person he had seen since Peggy died. He didn’t want to let them go so quickly.

“North. To Canada. Why do you ask?” the stranger said wearily.

Canada. Howard was in Montreal. Maybe this stranger had a way to get there. He felt hope.

_Steve, you have no idea who this is, he could be a serial killer! A cannibal! Even a Snitch! You just met him, you have no idea what his name is or what he looks like! Besides, Howard might not even be in Montreal anymore, it’s a dead end. Just stay here._

But he had to at least try, otherwise he wouldn’t even last a week. He was out of food and had no water supply. Plus, he promised Peggy he would get to Howard. That was the plan. He would stick to it. He took a deep breath.

“I’m trying to get to Canada myself. Maybe I could... um... tag along?” Steve asked. God, he felt stupid.

“Why should I take you? You have nothing to offer me.” the stranger said, just like Steve expected. He still felt sad though. But he had to get to Canada and this guy obviously had a way to get there. Steve reached around his neck and pulled off the silver necklace Peggy gave him before she died.

 _“It’s not for sentiment, it’s for trade. Use it to get to Howard, nothing else.”_ is what she told him before she went into another hacking fit and blood sprayed from her mouth.

“I have this. It’s real silver, easy to pawn for supplies with it.” Steve said holding it up. The stranger did not come closer, but was obviously looking at it. He looked back at Steve’s face.

“How do I know I can trust you?”

Steve shrugged. “Because what am I really going to be able to do to you?”

The stranger seemed to consider that for a moment before walking up to Steve and out of the shadows. A black bandana was wrapped around his mouth and nose, his dark brown hair was shaggy, and he was wearing black cargo pants, a black t-shirt, and a leather jacket. He grabbed the hand Steve had that was gripping the necklace, looking at it. Steve bit his mouth to not yell out. He noticed he reached the stranger’s shoulder, yet he seemed to tower over him.

It felt like forever when the stranger let go of him and grabbed the necklace, shoving it into his inside pocket in his jacket. He turned back to Steve.

“We have a deal, kid.” he said and pulled down his bandanna. Steve held in a gasp. The boy was hot. Jesus Christ, he was really hot. Not that it mattered. Not at all.

Steve felt guilty, thinking this thug was hot while Peggy laid in a shallow grave in central park he had to dig. Selfish. The point right now was to find Howard. The stranger held out his hand in front of him, a cocky grin on his face.

“I’m James Barnes. But I prefer Bucky.” he said. Steve took Bucky’s hand in a handshake.

“My name is Steve Rogers. So what’s your transportation to Canada?”

“It is, of course, the finest transport the world currently has to offer. Right this way.” he said and walked back the way he was heading before, with Steve hurrying behind him. They got out of the alley and walked down the road to an intersection where a dark green mini van was parked. Unlike most of the wrecked cars that had popped and stolen tires and various other parts missing, the mini van looked in pretty good shape, although one of the back windows seemed to be missing and had a dirty white sheet in its place. Not really what Steve was expecting from a guy like Bucky. He looked at him.

“What? Don’t judge the car. Remember, this is the thing getting us to Canada.” Bucky said to Steve.

“Alright, fine. No judging the car. Any other rules, Captain Bucky?” Steve asked sarcastically. Either Bucky was clueless to sarcasm or just didn’t care because he answered.

“Besides no judging the car there are three other rules. One, no hogging the supplies, we each get 50-50. Number two, we take watches at night so no falling asleep. Lastly,” Bucky held up a key connected to a chain around his neck, “I always drive.”

Bucky got in the driver’s side of the car and Steve got shotgun. He put his sleep roll in the back seat with a bunch of Bucky’s supplies, which included cans of Proggressive soup, dried fruit, beef jerky, several gallons of water, containers of gasoline, two pillows, a sleeping bag, an extra blanket, three flashlights, batteries, an assortment of knives, two handguns, bullets, some spare clothes, bars of soap, razors, five toothbrushes, three tubes of toothpaste, gauze, band-aids, and even a couple of worn paperback books. He was really well stocked.

It made Steve wonder how he got it all. Sure, it’s only been six months since the end of the world, but in that six months it went to hell, and what Bucky had back there was a gold mine.

He decided to hold on to the bat. He fastened his seat belt, then Bucky started up the car and they were off to Canada.

***

Bucky actually talked. A lot. Steve thought that was kind of weird. He looked more like the strong and silent type, in the alley he definitely had that going for him. But now that they were on the road, Bucky filled up the silence. Steve pretended he wasn’t listening, but he found out something about Bucky’s endless chatter, he never actually told anything important about himself. Nothing about his past, just the meaningless stuff like favorite sports teams, lame jokes from nameless friends, and obviously the apocalypse. What else was there to talk about but the apocalypse? It pretty much became everyones’s life, if you had survived it of course.

Another thing about Bucky’s chatter, he never asked Steve any questions, which Steve was grateful for. He didn’t want to talk about how his parents died in the Fist Hit, or about Peggy. He shivered thinking about it. He was kind of glad Bucky talked so much, it helped keep those memories away. He didn’t know why Bucky didn’t ask questions, so in return Steve wouldn’t ask any either.

Once they got out of the ruins of New York City, Bucky actually turned on the radio. Steve thought it wouldn’t work, but it crackled to life and started playing some random song from the 80s that Steve didn’t know.

“How is that working? I thought all the radio towers got destroyed in the First Hit?” Steve asked, breaking the do-not-ask-questions-thing that him and Bucky were following. Bucky glanced at him then turned his eyes back to the road.

“You know about the colonies right?” he asked Steve, who shook his head. He had had no news on the outside world since the First Hit, besides finding out Howard was in Montreal.

“Alright kid, let me explain. So after the First Hit, you know with all the electricity going out and the plage and the riots? Well, people spread apart, to not get the plage. Then came the Second Hit, the solar flares. That pretty much burned the plage off the face of the Earth and people flocked together and started making trade routes and shit with tents and all around the bodies of water that were still left, but they wern’t really colonies yet. Then came the Third Hit. The zombies. As you know we have absolutely no idea how the dead suddenly started popping up all over the place, right now the popular theory is that it was the solar flares, which I think is a load of BS. Anyway, that’s when the government decided to take all kids between infant and 18 too... someplace, saying that whoever found a kid to take in would earn supplies. This started up what we now call The Snitches, who are just loners or people working in pairs that hunt kids and turn them in. The people who were part of the trade routes I mentioned earlier band together to form the Colonies. Their system is, if you turn in a kid you get the supplies, it is a _lot_ of supplies might I add, and you share it with everyone else in the Colony.” Bucky told him. Steve was in utter shock. Taking kids to the government for stuff? Even if they were your own? That was just low.

“So what does that have to do with the fact your radio is working?” Steve mentioned, going back to what started this conversation.

“The colonies set 'em up. Guess everyone likes a bit of music in their lives, though personally, I hate the 80s.” Bucky tapped the radio playing the fuzzy music.

“Then why are you playing it?” Steve asked. Bucky grinned. Steve was starting to hate that grin, mainly because it was kinda sexy, and Steve did not like thinking that about Bucky.

“Because I ran out of stuff to say.” he said, then turned off the radio.

“So why are you turning it off?” Steve asked.

“Because it looks like you and I have a lot to talk about, kid.”

***

_Time: 08:43pm Place: Unknown_

  
The body of the five year-old boy was put in the pile of other bodies that were going to be burned. Of course, you couldn’t really tell it was a child anymore, it’s skin was purple and filled with sores oozing out blood and pus, it’s mouth was sewed shut. It was screaming to much. The doctor felt no pity for screaming, all it did was annoy him and it made other people have trouble working. He couldn’t have that.

“Another one gone?” one of the guards asked the man.

“It appears so. But it is not a big loss we have plenty to spare, don’t we?” the doctor said, his German accent leaking through his words.

“Y-yes. But they are children.” the guard said.

The doctor sighed. “You do realize we have no room for weakness right now, correct?”

“No sir.”

“Then I suggest you get back to work.” the doctor whispered dangerously.

“Yes sir. Hail Hyrda!” the guard shouted, before returning to his post.

“Yes. Hail Hydra.”

 


	2. Famous Last Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He is tried for betrayal, murder, and theft. He obviously did something.”
> 
> “How do you know he did any of those things? Let him go!” Steve shouted at Joey. Bucky raised his head to Steve.
> 
> “Then why did you sentence me here?” Bucky whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I forgot to mention this, each chapter is the title of a song, normally one that I was listening to while writing the chapter, or one that is actually connected to the chapter. The last chapter was "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons. This title is "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance. Also thanks for all the kudos and lovely comments, it really means a lot! I hope you like this chapter!

Steve and Bucky had been driving to Canada for three days and they had not been attacked by zombies, Snitches, or the Colonies, not that it surprised Steve that much, as of the fact they were surrounded by woods. Well, what was left of woods anyway.

It was obvious that the solar flares reeked havok here. What once would have been towering pines were now burned and broken, all dead. Just like most of everything else on Earth.

At least they didn’t come back to life.

The trees were a problem for speed. They often had to stop in the road so Bucky could push a fallen branch or something out of the way. Steve always offered to help, Bucky would always say no, which made Steve feel more useless then he already thought he was, then again what could he actually do if Bucky let him help?

They wound up talking a lot to each other, not about anything meaningful, just stuff. Nothing about the past and nothing about how they survived this long in the apocalypse. When they ran out of things to talk about Bucky would turn on the radio. It was rarely anything he actually liked, but Steve wasn’t so picky. He just listened to the music and looked out the window. Although sometimes he would catch him self looking at Bucky.

He liked the fact that they talked, it helped Steve not have to think about things. Like Peggy, or his parents.

There was something Bucky and him argued about though. The watch schedule.

Bucky set up the watch schedule evenly so they could each get eight hours of sleep, which they could tell by the clock on the car dashboard. The problem was, Steve did not want to sleep. He didn’t want the nightmares to come. He didn’t want Bucky to hear him scream and cry. He didn’t want him to think he was weaker then he already was.

So he would over do his watch by three hours, sometimes four. Bucky always yelled at him for it, then Steve would pass out. So far, no dreams. He was to tired for them.

Something he noticed about Bucky, he didn’t make noises when he slept. No sleep talking, snoring, or even teeth grinding. He didn’t move a whole lot either, just an occasional turn. At first Steve thought he was a heavy sleeper, but on the first night he accidently bumped one of the food boxes and Bucky was wide-awake aiming his handgun at Steve’s head in .2 seconds.

“Never wake me up unless it’s an emergency or my turn for the watch. Got it?” he mumbled and just went right back to sleep.

Now Bucky was yelling at him yet again for having him over-slept on his watch.

“My whole point is, I can’t have you falling asleep on me when a horde of zombies suddenly decides to come out and attack us! What’s your problem with sleep anyway? Learn to take it while you got it, you usually don’t have enough.”

“Then you should be thanking me for the amount of sleep your getting.” Steve muttered.

“Okay, you know what kid? New rule, don’t mess up with the watch schedule.”

“I thought you said there were only four rules.”

“Well I’m making a new one.” Bucky said.

“You can’t just make up rules as you go along!”

“My car, my rules. Don’t like, then you can-” he was cut off by the sound of a thump hitting the car and he pulled the breaks.

“Ah shit!” he shouted and got out of the car. Steve gripped his baseball bat and Bucky stuck his head in the door.

“We might be having some company. Hand me that gun in the back and come out here, bring the bat.” he ordered him, a note of panic in his voice. Quickly Steve unstrapped himself from the car seat and handed Bucky the gun before getting out of the car, closing the door behind him.

That was when he smelled the rancid sent of zombie flesh.

Its body was under Bucky’s car, its rotten blood and skin stuck to the wheel and smeared on the pavement. It’s head was already blown off by the looks of it.

“I’m gonna be sick.” Steve said, his stomach turning violently.

“No no no. No puke. It’s time to fight.” Bucky was holding his gun, eyes darting at the trees.

“Why? I mean it’s dead so-” Steve stopped talking when he realized something.

The head was already blown off, which meant someone was nearby, someone with a gun and a good shot, and the body was fresh. Zombies don’t last long in the open sun before they burn away. Steve lifted up his bat, trying to block the stench the zombie was making. A shuffle of branches sounded behind the boys. Both turned quickly, weapons raised.

“Well well well. What do we have here? Two boys all alone in the woods? Maybe Joey and I should turn you in, it will help everyone.” a blonde woman said in a New Jersey accent. She wore camo pants and a black tank top. Her hair was tied into a ponytail. She was aiming a rifle right at Bucky, who was aiming his handgun right back at her. Steve noticed something about their aims though; the woman was aiming toward his shoulder, while Bucky was aiming at her head.

The woman was just going to wound him and bring them in. Bucky was aiming to murder her.

“I don’t know ma’am, I think me and the kid over here are plenty fine at handling ourselves. Maybe you and... _Joey_ should just keep moving.” Bucky told the woman, his hand not wavering. Steve wondered if he ever did this before.

“Better watch your mouth sonny. Joey don’t like boys with bad manners. Besides, we could get a lot for you, big and strong you are. The scrawny one, not as much, but he would be good... dog food.” she gestured her gun towards Steve.

“Just leave us alone.” Steve said, his voice sounded weak. She gave a low laugh.

“Not a chance. Oh Joey! Got a new toy for you!” she called. The sound of chains clacking together came from behind her and a zombie emerged from behind her, its ankles and wrists in chains. But... it wasn’t like the other zombies, it still had a human glint in his eyes. It wasn’t completely rotten through. It wore the tatters of an old t-shirt and some black pants. It’s eyes locked on Steve and growled.

“Now now Joey, I know you’re hungry. But remember, you get the little one, I got the big one. Can’t have tainted meat.” she told the creature, then let him loose.

Joey barreled towards Steve, a lot faster then zombies normally moved. Steve swung his bat and hit the creature in the shoulder. It let out a horrible yell, but kept coming at him. He swung again, but the creature dodged it. Steve grunted in surprise. A full-fledged zombie usually didn’t have the mental capabilities to dodge his blows.

It hit him then in gruesome clarity. Joey wasn’t a full zombie, not yet. He was bitten, not to long ago either, maybe a week. This woman was keeping this creature, this man, in chains while letting his mind go to hell.

For the second time that morning Steve felt the need to puke his guts out.

The zombie came at Steve and he dodged out of the way as the creature rumbled past him. He looked over at Bucky who was in full hand-to-hand combat with the woman. Both their guns lay abandoned on the pavement, so they were going at each other with knives. Steve did not know where Bucky got the knife, but that was the least of his problems at the moment. Joey had recovered himself and was running back towards Steve, a roar ripping at his throat.

Steve squatted and hit the zombie straight in the kneecaps. If he had been a full zombie, his legs would have come clean off, but the most they did was collapse. Another horrible scream came from the zombie as he fell to the ground. Steve stood over him.

“P-p-please... k-kill... me.” Joey coughed out, his almost human eyes were filled with pain and suffering.

_“Steve, you have to kill me. Please.” Peggy was crying. Peggy never cried. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t even imagine it. He shook his head sadly. Peggy slapped him hard across the face._

_“You’re a coward Steve. A coward.” she spitted at him._

“P-please.” the creature wheezed out again, snapping Steve out of his flashback. Steve felt wetness on his cheeks and realized he was crying. He looked over by his foot and saw Bucky’s handgun. He picked it up in his shaking hand and aimed it at Joey’s head.

“Please.” he whispered, closing his eyes, his head lowering to the pavement. “Please be the hero. Be my hero. Kill me.”

“I’m not doing this to be the hero,” Steve gasped out, “I’m doing this because I’m a human.” he closed his eyes and pulled the trigger and...

Nothing. Nothing happened. Just an empty clicking sound. Steve slowly opened his eyes when a bang went off, ringing through his eardrums.

Bucky was standing over the thing that was Joey, what used to be his skull was splattered over Steve’s ratty Convers. Bucky held a handgun in front of him, pointed at the place where Joey’s head was. He looked up at Steve, his dark brown eyes were sad.

“You don’t actually think I was going to shoot that woman now, did you?” he whispered, as if it were some big secret. Steve looked around. He couldn’t find the woman anywhere. He turned back to Bucky.

“Where is she?” he asked him. His throat felt sore and dry.

“She ran off.”

Back to silence. No radio music to fill this one.

“Let’s head back to the car. We’re still quite far from Canada.” Bucky said and began walking back to the car. Steve followed. They both got in and Bucky started the car, driving over the zombie corpse that stopped them in the first place. They drove for a few minutes when Steve thought of something.

“It shouldn’t take this long to get to Canada. Why is it taking so long?” he yawned, feeling tired. He leaned his head on the window.

“Because we stop to move a tree every fifteen minutes, and that usually takes ten minutes to do, plus watches and stopping at night, and the car can only go, at a maximum, thirty miles per hour.” Bucky replied. He didn’t sound annoyed, like Steve thought he would, just drained. Slowly Steve began to nod off and Bucky turned on the radio.

***

_He was holding a handgun in his hands. He was in a dark room with only one light. In that light was a person. As Steve got closer he saw it was a girl, no, not just a girl, it was Peggy. Her hands were bound together. She looked at Steve, her eyes were red from tears with purple shadows under them._

_“Steve. Do it.” she said, her voice was dead. The gun felt heavy in his hand._

_“I can’t.” he whispered. Her flesh was peeling off. She was bleeding out of her mouth. Her eyes were locked on Steve’s, sadness layered in them._

_“Do it Steve.” she repeated. Her hair was falling out in clumps, landing on the floor around her._

_“Anything but this.” Steve said. She shook her head._

_“That’s not how it works.”_

_“Yes it is.” Steve told her. He raised his gun to him temple..._

_He wasn’t in the room anymore. He was back in Brooklyn, well it’s ruins anyway. He was carrying his metal baseball bat. It was dark. He turned to a warehouse. A noise was coming from inside of it, but he couldn’t place it. He went inside and saw what was making the noise._

_It was Joey, his chains clanging on the floor was making the noise Steve had heard, but he wasn’t the only one in there._

_Bucky was kneeled on the floor, shirtless wearing black pants. His hands were tied behind his back, his ankles bound together, his hair was hanging down so it shadowed his face. Joey was standing over him with an ax in his hands. He was smiling._

_“Come to watch the execution?” he asked Steve._

_“What do you mean? He didn’t do anything.”_

_“He is tried for betrayal, murder, and theft. He obviously did something.”_

_“How do you know he did any of those things? Let him go!” Steve shouted at Joey. Bucky raised his head to Steve._

_“Then why did you sentence me here?” Bucky whispered._

_“I didn’t put you here!” Steve screamed. Joey tilted his head to one side in question._

_“But sir, you did. You’re the judge. You sent him here. Do you want me to call off the execution?” Joey questioned. Steve opened his mouth to speak but no words would come out. Joey sighed in relief._

_“Oh good. I thought we were going to have a problem.” he raised the ax._

_“NO!” Steve screamed. Bucky was still looking at him, his eyes tearing through his soul._

_“Be the hero, Steve.”_

***

“Hey! Steve wake up! Wake up!” a voice yelled. Someone was shaking his shoulder. Steve opened his eyes, whish were still heavy with sleep. Orange sunlight filtered through the windows. The clock on the dashboard said it was two o’clock. The car wasn’t moving.

“What’s going on?” Steve mumbled.

“You were screaming. I figured I should wake you up.” Bucky answered, his face was full of questions.

Crap. This was exactly what he was trying to hide from Bucky. His dreams, the screams, the weakness. He wanted to yell. But he felt so tired, his limbs were so heavy. He could feel himself falling back to sleep. Plus Bucky’s hand felt nice on his shoulder. Almost comforting.

“Thank you.” the words passed through his lips.

“For what?” Bucky asked.

“Waking me up, obviously.” Bucky chuckled at that. He removed his hand from Steve’s shoulder to start up the car. It tingled where Bucky’s hand was on Steve’s shoulder. He knew he should feel bad about that, feeling like that, but he didn’t have the energy to feel bad. The car was moving again.

“Why did you pull an unloaded gun on that lady?” Steve said. Bucky made a noise of surprise. Then he shrugged.

“I don’t want to kill people, even people like her.”

“You killed Joey. Was it because he was turning into a zomb?”

“That doesn’t count. That was a mercy killing. Besides, he wouldn’t have been human much longer anyway.” was Bucky’s response, then he turned on the radio. End of conversation.

This was one of the few songs that Bucky actually liked, Steve could tell because he was humming along to it, thumping his hand on the dashboard. Steve wondered if it was his favorite song. Maybe he used to listen to it in his room before the apocalypse. Maybe he danced to it at Homecoming. Maybe he only liked it because it was one that was actually good on the radio.

Steve fell asleep wondering the many maybes of Bucky Barnes.

***

_Time: 6:00pm Location: Montreal, Canada_

“This is stupid. How is this ever going to work?” Sam said, strapping the giant metal wings on his back. He was going to die from this stupid machine, he knew he would. Nat shook her head.

“Put more faith in Howard. He’s trying.”

“I know he is, I just don’t see how having wings is going to help about the zombies.”

“It’s not about the zombies. It’s about getting those kids, kids like us, away from HYDRA. This will be able to get us over the electric fences.” she reasoned. Sam let out a long sigh. Clint came into the room, putting his arm around Nat’s waist.

“Look, if some random kid can escape, then we can get in. We just need to test some of Howard’s machines before we go.” Clint told Sam.

“Still can’t belive a kid made it out.” Sam muttered.

“Kid is probably dead now.” Clint added. Natasha nodded in agreement.

“He was probably happy to die, knowing what is going on in there.” she said. No one needed to say they agreed to that, everyone knew it was true.

“Did they ever get his name?” Sam asked. Clint spoke up.

“I think his name was James.”


	3. Crush Crush Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, I forgot to mention something. We need to pretend we’re lovers at the gate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for chapter title: "Crush Crush Crush" by Paramore.

“We’re heading out of the woods.” Bucky told Steve. He looked out the window and saw he was right, the trees were thinning out and he could see the ruins of a town just over the horizon with lights coming from it. This made him wonder why there was so much dread in Bucky’s voice.

“That’s good... right?” Steve asked. Bucky sighed deeply. Steve decided he didn’t like it when Bucky did that, it meant he was going to say something bad then Steve would start worrying. Plus he would wonder how Bucky came across that information, and it’s not like he could ask him about it. Even though him and Bucky had gotten closer since the Joey Attack, which was two days ago, they still did not ask questions about the past.

Steve did manage to get out of Bucky that his favorite color was red. He told him his favorite color was blue.

So that’s where they were at. Favorite colors. Steve realized he shouldn’t care about Bucky. He was just a means as transportation, and it was obvious he didn’t care about Steve. He didn’t even ask about his nightmares, which for a while Steve was grateful for. Now... he actually wanted Bucky to ask, not that he would tell him what he saw, but the thought of Bucky caring about him....

God he was being dumb. He shouldn’t want Bucky to care. He shouldn’t feel tingly whenever he so much as accidently brushed his hand, or feel flustered even talking to him.

That was how he felt with Peggy, and look where that got him.

He knew he was bisexual, he accepted that at the age of fourteen. He liked girls. But he also liked boys. He never really cared, neither would give him the time of day anyway, with the exception of Peggy. No one really cared, except some guys in the locker room who always called him a confused fag. One time he punched one of the kids. He punched back and Steve wound up in the ER with a broken nose. Didn’t stop him from thinking boys were cute. Didn’t stop him from thinking girls were cute.

Bucky though... this was different. Sure, maybe if it wasn’t the apocalypse and Steve was a few inches taller with some muscle then maybe. Maybe he just missed Peggy and was latching on like a leach to whoever he thought was attractive, maybe....

He was getting sick of maybes.

“That town is bad news. They call it The Waste. It’s were all the worst are. The thiefs, rapists, murderers... It has this place called The Brothel, ya know because that’s where the prostitutes and shit are, which we had back before the apocalypse anyway, but that’s where the leaders of the gangs are. Not good news.” Bucky told Steve, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Let me guess, we have to go through there.” Steve said. Suddenly the city on the horizon seemed more like an impending doom rather then a safe haven.

“We’ll be fine. I know people. Just... don’t wander off, stay close to me. I have an idea on how to get into The Brothel.”

“Whoa wait. You _want_ to go into the big, scary, evil place with gangs ready to kill? Why can’t we just drive through the city?”

“Because we need supplies, kid. We’re down to our last tank of gas and we need more water. The Brothel hold almost all the supplies to The Waste, and this is the only town for hundreds of miles that isn’t a colony. Besides, like I said before, I have a plan, just go along with it.” Bucky sounded tense, but Steve needed to know one more thing.

“How do you know all of this?” he asked. He expected Bucky to turn on the radio to indicate he wasn’t going to answer. Instead he sighed again and answered.

“I spent a little bit of time in there, okay? Now drop it.” Steve shut up and they road on in a tense silence. No one turned on the radio.

***

It was about an hour later when Bucky spoke again. They were almost to the gate surrounding the city and night had fallen when Bucky pulled over to the side of the road and turned to Steve.

“Alright. Here’s the plan. In order to get into The Brothel, you have to either one, be one of the gang leaders. Two, you gotta be bringing a chick in for ‘recreation,’ or three, be part of the staff. The problem here is that neither of us are gang members and neither of us is a girl.” Bucky said.

“That only gets rid of two of the way we could get in.” Steve mentioned. Bucky did that grin of his. That grin was not helping Steve concentrate.

“Your smart. So naturally we disguise ourselves as the wait staff, one of the people I know would give us some suits and we just head on down to the basement and get what we need then go. Except, the gang members would recognize me. So that’s why you have to go in alone.”

“Me!?” Steve shouted. Bucky nodded. Steve felt more afraid then he already was. He would be alone. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. He took a deep breath through his nose and out is mouth.

“Alright, fine. I’ll do it. But how am I going to find the basement? Also what would we be doing after I stole the supplies? It would look suspicious if just after something was stolen, we left the city.” Steve said, his voice quieter.

“The person you’ll meet up at t The Brothel will tell you how to get to the basement. I’ll drop you off to him, he owes my a favor. As for what we do after, we head to where I used to live and crash there for the night. When you get the supplies get out as fast as you can, without looking suspicious, and head down the street. I’ll be waiting there.” Bucky explained.

“How do you know no one will be where you used to live?”

“Trust me, I know. Now we gotta go. No more questions.” Bucky said, then started up the car and began driving towards the gate. Bucky spoke again.

“Oh, I forgot to mention something. We need to pretend we’re lovers at the gate.”

Steve almost choked on his own spit. He looked over at Bucky to make sure he was being serious. Bucky wasn’t even looking at him, his eyes were on the approaching town. Steve could see a guard standing in front of the entrance of the gate.

_Alright Steve, play it cool. All part of the plan. Don’t freak out._

“Ummm, why?” he asked. He hoped it was dark enough that Bucky couldn’t see him blushing. He still was looking at the gate. The grin showed up again. God, why couldn’t he stop doing that?

“Because we can’t look suspicious. Besides, the guy at the gate will know me, so he knows I don’t have any friends or family with me.” he gave a side glance at Steve, “Plus you don’t even look like a family member. Also people are uncomfortable with couples, he won’t ask as many questions.”

“But wouldn’t he know you wern’t.... into dudes?”

“None of that hetero-normative attitude with me kid. For your information, I’m pan, so I have had some boy candy in my life, won’t be much of a surprise.” Bucky answered.

“Yes sir.” Steve muttered sarcastically. Bucky ignored him. They were almost to the gate.

“Don’t look so nervous. Act the part, or we’re dead.” Bucky whispered. He grabbed Steve’s hand. Steve tensed right up. Sparks were flying up his arm, his heart was beating way to fast to be normal, he couldn’t tell if it was from Bucky or the fact they were about to enter a dangerous city, maybe it was both. Bucky started slowing down.

“Relax.” Bucky hissed at Steve. He unclenched his back and slithered into the seat. Bucky put a friendly, easy-going smile on his face and stopped the car. He rolled down the car window and leaned out.

“Is that you Peter?” he called to the guard, who smiled and came close to the car.

“Oh my God, is that you Bucky? We’ve missed you around here! What are you doin’ back in town?” the guard, Peter, asked. He looked over at Steve then back to Bucky.

“And who is this? Not family, that’s obvious, and you don’t have friends. Mind you introduce me?”

“Yeah, no problem Peter. This is Tony, he’s my... bed warmer.” he winked, he fucking winked, at Steve, who blushed again and started looking at his shoes. He felt like melting into the car seat. Peter chuckled.

“Aw Bucky, you got a bashful one! So what are you and _your bed warmer_ doing here in town?” Peter’s attention was back on Bucky, who’s hand was still on his. Steve hoped his wasn’t getting sweaty. The conversation that Peter and Bucky were having turned into back round noise.

_Dear God kill me now. Have lightning strike me where I sit, have my head explode. I don't know, just something that will get me out of here!_  Steve thought to himself.

Apparently today his prayers were answered. Bucky and Peter had finished chatting each other up and Peter was opening the gate, waving them through. Bucky let go of Steve’s hand and started up the car, driving into the town.

“Hope you two have a lovely time!” Peter called out after them. Steve put his face in his hands. He heard the gate clang shut behind them and they were in. When they were far enough away from Peter and the gate so he couldn’t here Bucky started laughing his ass off. Steve’s face burned.

“What? What’s so funny?” Steve snapped at Bucky, who was still laughing. Steve noticed it was a nice laugh. Damn, wasn’t there anything wrong with this boy?

“I’m sorry kid. Just... oh my God! Your face! You looked... oh sweet Jesus hang on. I just fucking can’t. You’re great. Has anyone told you how great you are?” Bucky laughed.

_“You have to be one of the greatest men alive.” Peggy said before she kissed him, right there by the lockers. He could hear the other kids making barf noises but he didn’t care. Peggy was kissing him, just like he always imagined it._

“I may have heard it a couple times before.” Steve said. Bucky was finally getting over his laugh fest. Steve was still blushing. He needed to stop blushing, it’s always been a problem for him, blushing. Maybe it had to do with one of the many other problems he had.

Right now his problem was that he had a crush on Bucky.

Oh, and he was about to go into what was the equivalent of a mafia headquarters.

He just had a list of problems at the moment.

If he survived this he vowed to make a list of them.

“Alright, we’re almost to The Brothel.” Bucky was now back in serious mode. Steve could see up ahead a brightly lit building with pounding music.

“Um, Steve? I have a question for you.” Bucky said, his voice was, nervous? Steve couldn’t really tell.  
  
“Yeah Bucky?”

“Were you so uncomfortable pretending to... um... be with me because you have problems with... boys liking boys?” he asked, he wasn’t even looking at Steve now. He was biting his lip. Steve suddenly had the urge to laugh out loud. Ha, if only Bucky knew the real reason why Steve was acting so strange around him. Now he knew why Bucky was laughing so hard earlier because he wanted to do that right then, seeing Bucky so nervous about his opinion. Steve somehow managed not to laugh before answering.

“Nah. I’m actually bi. It just felt kind of weird pretending to be with someone, that’s all. I never really... went out much, so it felt weird.” Steve explained. Well, at least it was part of the truth. Bucky sighed with relief.

“Good. I was thinking this would get awkward. Kids back home didn’t take it so well when the figured out that I wasn’t really picky.” he said.

More about the past. Steve was just getting buckets of it today. It made him feel happy, knowing that they were finally getting to trust each other.

_Not that it matters._ Steve chilled himself. _He’s just going to drop you at Montreal anyway.. You heard him earlier. He doesn’t have friends. Just... “bed warmers._ "

“We’re here.” Bucky said, jarring Steve out of his thoughts and into the situation at hand. They were parked across the street from the bar. Steve could see a big guy, far bigger then Bucky, standing in front of the door. Steve sighed.

“So how do we get in?” Steve asked. Bucky turned off the car and put the key back around his neck.

“The person I was talking about earlier should just be about to go to his shift. He lives in this building here.” Bucky pointed to the building they were parked in front of, whish to Steve did not look living worthy. Then again none of the houses did.

“Does he know you’re here?” Steve said. Bucky gave him a what-the-hell-do-you-think look before answering.

“Obviously not. I mean, it’s not like I have a cell phone or some shit like that.”

“Then how do you know he’ll help?”

“He will.” was Bucky’s only answer. Steve decided not to ask anymore questions after that and just let Bucky do what he needed. He hadn’t scared him wrong yet, so he was just going to let him do his thing.

About a minute later a guy walked out, he looked about Steve’s size even though he had an older look to him, and Bucky got out of the car and walked toward the dude.

“Wait! Where the hell are you going?” Steve shout-whispered through the window at Bucky, who made a kind of “stay back” gesture with his hand as he walked over to the guy. Steve sat back in his seat and just looked out the window to see what was going on.

The guy just noticed Bucky and his eyes widened in surprise. Bucky and the guy started talking to each other but Steve couldn’t hear them. It seemed pretty okay at first. Then the guy gestured to the car angrily in a pissed off way and Bucky seemed to get pretty mad, though he wasn’t shouting. More heated conversation went back and forth between them. Then the guy went inside with Bucky following. Steve opened the car door and Bucky held his hand up in the “wait” gesture again, so Steve stayed in the car while Bucky went inside.

According to the clock on the dashboard it had been three minutes since Bucky and the other guy left when Bucky came back out and towards the car. He leaned in through Steve’s open window.

“Alright, so you’re going to go in there were Eric will be waiting with the clothes. He’ll tell you how to get into The Brothel. Remember, I’ll be waiting just down the street. Try and make it fast but-”

“Not to fast, I know.” Steve finished. Bucky raised an eyebrow.

“Exactly, and don’t you use that tone of voice with me young man.” he mocked. Steve shrugged. Bucky gave a low laugh. Steve’s heart fluttered more in his chest when he did that laugh. God dammit.

“So anyway,” Bucky said seriously, “I’m heading out right now. So just head in after I leave. Good luck, kid.” then he walked away, his hands in his pockets. Once he was out of sight Steve got out of the car. He took a deep breath.

“Dear God, what am I doing?” he whispered to himself before walking towards the house.

***

**Time:** _5:07pm_ **Location:** _Somewhere in New York_

She ran back to her tent set up in the woods. She recognized that kid from somewhere, she knew she did, but she had to make sure. You couldn’t just send HYDRA agents on some wild goose chase after a random kid. This was not just some random kid.

The woman was clutching a bleeding gash which she had just re-opened again from stretching it too far trying to climb a tree. It was almost like re-opening it had triggered a memory of where she saw the kid who gave her it before. It wasn’t in life... it was a picture.

She reached her tent. It was small, it was just her really. Well, she used to have Joey, but the kid got him too.

Digging through all her supplies she finally found it. She held it up to the dying light of day so she could see it. Yep. It was him. She grinned to herself. Now all that was left was to go to the nearest HYDRA station, which was about a hundred miles south... but she could do it. She put the paper down and began packing.

                                                                                                                        **WANTED BY HYDRA:**  
                                                                                                                           JAMES BARNES  
                                                                                                                          ***MUST BE ALIVE***  
                                                                          REWARD FOR CAPTURE OF THE ESCAPEE IS FOOD AND SHELTER FOR A LIFETIME.  
                                                                                                                                  **SIGNED BY:**

                                                                                                                                                          _The Red Skull_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was kind of a dull chapter, not really a lot of fighting and all (sorry!) I wanted more but I wanted to keep the chapter equal in length, so yeah. I normally try to refrain from posting chapters daily because it usually takes longer, but oh well I had nothing to do anyway. Thank you all for the kudos and lovely comments! Sorry if I don't reply to all of them, I just don't really know what to say sometimes! Might take a little longer for the next chapter because I'm pretty busy plus I'm trying to work through a writer's block for my x-men fic! Still, I hope you guys liked this chapter! :)


	4. Howl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What is this big favor you owe Bucky for?” he asked the guy. It was silent for a while so Steve decided he wasn’t going to answer and turned to leave when he spoke.
> 
> “He got me away from HYDRA. I was in a van and he helped me escape.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "Howl" by Florence and the Machine  
> TW: Rape

The guy Bucky had talked too was not in a very helpful mood, but still gave Steve a white button down shirt and a pair of black slacks to wear, which was apparently the uniform for the staff at The Brothel. Steve quickly went into the bathroom and changed then came out of the bathroom. Right before he left he asked for the guy’s name. He said he wasn’t going to give him his name because if Steve got caught he did not want it to be traced back to him. Steve could get that, but he had another question on his mind.

“What is this big favor you owe Bucky for?” he asked the guy. It was silent for a while so Steve decided he wasn’t going to answer and turned to leave when he spoke.

“He got me away from HYDRA. I was in a van and he helped me escape.”

“Wait... what’s HYDRA?” Steve said, having no idea who the guy was talking about.

“You know, the people who took over the government and started picking up children to preform experiments on. They started about a year before the apocalypse.”

“They started taking children, _before the zombies even came?”_ Steve couldn’t belive it. Whatever this HYDRA was it wasn’t good. The guy nodded.

“Yeah, didn’t you know? Wern’t you from one of the camps?” he asked. Steve shook his head.

“Oh. I thought he rescued you too. Anyway, you talk about it with Bucky later, you have to get to The Brothel. The instructions are in your pocket. Good luck.” he said, which closed the conversation. Steve nodded and got out of the apartment and went across the street. He nodded at the bouncer who nodded back and Steve went to the back where all the trash cans were, along with the locked back door with the spray painted words **STAFF ONLY** on it. He pulled the key out bgb in.

The Brothel was dark and lit by candles. At least in the back. Steve could see through a doorway various Christmas lights and women wearing revealing clothing and makeup giving various dances to men and even boys. Steve looked away quickly, not really wanting to see that. He took a piece of paper out of his pocket which the guy had written directions to the basement on.

Steve walked away from the main part of the club and took a left where he found the stairs leading to the basement. He didn’t want to turn on the light done there for fear someone would notice, so he grabbed one of the lit candles and hurried off down the stairs.

He couldn’t see all of it because of the darkness, but he saw there was a lot of it. Food, water, deotarant, asprin, dehydrated shampoo, even clothes! He looked around some more and found a backpack he would be able to put supplies in.

Steve wound up taking six boxes of various foods, three gallons of water, two sticks of deotrant, four cans of dehydrated shampoo, a thing of asprin, some bandages, two shirts, three pairs of pants, underwear, and a new pair of sneakers. It all somehow managed to fit into the backpack. He went back up the stairs slowly so he wouldn’t make too much noise and put the candle back in its place at the top of the stairs and went back out the staff door.

Just as he thought he would make it without incident he heard a muffled female scream from around the corner and he stopped cold. He knew he shouldn’t go back, he would get caught for sure. But someone might be hurt...

It wasn’t much of a contest. He went back to where he heard the scream. He turned the corner and saw a big man with a beard pushing one of the strippers against the wall. She was crying.

“No no no. Please don’t, please!” she screamed. He slapped her hard across the face.

“You dumb whore. You were asking for this, dancing around on stage like that. You fucking cunt. You’re going to suck my balls now that you’ve made me all horney or else I’ll gut your eyes out with my knife.” he whispered to her.

“Please no! The boss wouldn’t give me and my daughter supplies! He said this was the only way to get payment, please you have to belive me-” she was cut off by another slap across the face.

Steve had never been so mad, so furious, to see this man treat this woman like this. He was going to rape her, Steve could see that.

He wasn’t even thinking about Peggy, Bucky, Howard, or even himself, when he swung the backpack so it bashed against the back of the man’s head and he went down like a sack of bricks. Steve looked at the woman, makeup smeared down her face, her eyes red from crying and fatigue. He reached into the backpack and tossed her one of the boxes of food and ran off towards the street where Bucky would be waiting.

Bucky was in the car at the corner of the street just like he said he would be. Steve opened the door and threw the bag in the back before sliding in the passenger’s side, slaming the door behind him.

“Go go go!” he shouted and Bucky floored it. They sped through the streets, turning sharply on the turns and narrowly avoiding pedestrians before Bucky stopped in front of another abandoned looking building. He looked over at Steve, who was breathing heavily.

“What the hell was that?!” he shouted at him. Steve closed his eyes and lied back in the seat, breathing in the smell of the car.

“I’ll tell you later. Good news is I got the stuff we needed.” Steve gasped out, his heart was beating hard from the running. He didn’t even care that Bucky yelled at him, he was just happy he made it. Bucky sighed.

“Well, we’re here. So how about you get that bag out of the back and take it in. Hopefully there will still be running water so we can take showers. Then you can tell me about your little robbery.” he said, then got out of the car, stalking over to the house. Steve was still rattled from everything, but he grabbed the bag he stole and followed Bucky inside the old house.

It was just as ratty on the inside as it was on the outside. The door creaked when Steve opened it, yet somehow the house had working lights when Bucky switched on a light switch, illuminating everything in the little place.

There wasn’t a whole lot in it, just like Steve suspected. There was a ratty couch, a small table with a lawn chair, a tiny dresser, and a mini-fridge. There was also a door, which Steve assumed lead to the bathroom. Everything was covered in a layer of dust, showing that Bucky hadn’t been here for awhile.

“Just set the bag down... somewhere. I’ll check and see if the water is working.” Bucky said to Steve then headed to the bathroom. Steve went over to the couch and set the bag down on it but did not sit down. It felt weird, being in a place where Bucky used to live. He knew it was stupid, but he always just kind of pictured Bucky living in that dumb car with a missing window. He never really thought of Bucky’s past. Where did he live before this place? What about before the apocalypse? Did he live with his parents? Were they split up? Did he have siblings? Friends? A girlfriend? A boyfriend? Maybe he had a dog? Did he get straight A’s? Did Steve ever know anyone who knew Bucky? He shook his head. This was ridiculous. He should not be thinking about Bucky this much. Sure, he was obviously crushing on him, but he never wondered these kind of things about Peggy. Maybe because he already knew her really well before.

The bathroom door opened and Bucky poked his head out.

“The water is running, but it’s pretty cold. Do you want to go first?” Bucky said. Steve shook his head.

“Nah. It’s your house, you should go first. Besides, I kinda want to go over some of the stuff in the bag before I get in.” Steve told him. Bucky shrugged.

“Suit yourself, kid.” he said then closed the door. About a minute later Steve heard the sound of running water. He opened up the bag and looked though it, just to make sure he didn’t lose anything from hitting that guy over the head with it. Everything was in order, although one of the granola bar boxes was kinda smushed. The food inside was fine though. He put everything back in the bag and zipped it up.

Steve didn’t really know what to do, all he was doing was waiting for Bucky to get out of the shower. He paced around the tiny room and eventually wound up sitting on the couch.

 _Wait, are there any towels in there?_ he suddenly wondered. They didn’t have any in the car, so he hoped so. That was also when he realized Bucky forgot to bring a spare change of clothes in the bathroom with him. So if there were no towels and no spare clothes in the bathroom... Steve did not like where these thoughts were going. The thought of being in the same room with Bucky while he was naked was not what he should be thinking about right now.

As if summoned by his thoughts Bucky walked out of the bathroom, with a towel around his waist, but Steve’s eyes were drawn directly to Bucky’s washboard abs. He instantly looked away feeling blush creep up his cheeks, also the fact he had to put the backpack over his crotch for... reasons.

“That shower is freezing. Anyway it’s your turn, kid. I got some spare clothes in the dresser if you need-” Bucky said before Steve cut him off.

“Erm, no, no. It’s fine. I snagged some clothes from The Brothel, so, um, I’ll just go take a shower.” Steve hurried to the bathroom, keeping the backpack carefully placed in font of his crotch and closed the bathroom door behind him, practically sighing with relief to be in there. He quickly stripped off his clothes and jumped into the shower.

He had neve been so happy for a freezing shower as he had right then.

When Steve got done with his shower he grabbed a ratty towel off the towel rack and dried himself before rummaging through the backpack to get out a pair of sweatpants, a way to big t-shirt, underwear, and a pair of mismatched socks.

He stepped out of the bathroom changed and with the backpack, seeing Bucky sitting on the couch, his right knee bouncing up and down, whispering under his breath.

“My name is James Barnes. I’m going to Canada. Right now I’m staying at my old house in The Waste...” he whispered. Steve cleared his throat and Bucky jumped up from the couch. He looked at Steve is confusion for a second, but his face went back to normal before Steve could make sure.

“Hey kid. You look even scrawnier wearing that t-shirt you know.” Bucky said, obviously not going to talk about the whispering thing. Steve hoped he wasn’t crazy, he didn’t feel like having a crush with a psychopath, or riding with one for the matter. Steve gave a small smile, tugging at the shirt.

“Story of my life. Anyway, there is some food in here if you want some.” Steve replied, tossing the bag to Bucky, who caught it perfectly. He sat back down on the couch and pulled out the crushed box of granola bars. He raised an eyebrow at Steve.

“Now I can get back to why were you acting like you had Godzilla and the Russian Mob on you tail when you got in the car.” he said. Damn. Steve was hoping he would have forgotten that.

“Okay. So you know how you said to not be distracted and not interfere... well, I interfered. But in my defense, what I did was not bad, and if we went through the entire thing again, I would repeat it exactly how I did it.” Steve started.

“That still doesn’t tell me what you did.” Bucky muttered.

“Alright, so I got out of The Brothel and there was a woman being pinned against the wall by a man... she was screaming ‘no’ but no one was coming to help. Bucky, he was going to rape her. So, I hit him over the head with the backpack.” Steve looked at Bucky right in the eye as he said this, not feeling ashamed at all for what he did. Bucky slowly nodded.

“You did the right thing, Steve.” Bucky said. Steve felt his eyes widen in surprise. He expected Bucky to at least yell at him for messing up the food.

“You’re not... mad?” Steve asked.

“Why would I be? Rape is wrong, no one should have to have something taken from them with consent, _nobody.”_ then Bucky stood up.

“I’m going to go get the blankets out of the car. I’ll take the floor, you get the couch.”

“Oh I really don’t-” Steve started before Bucky interupted.

“No room for arguments, punk. I take the floor.” and he walked out the door.

***

Bucky needed to get out of the house. Just for a minute. They also needed blankets anyway so, bam, perfect solution.

He walked over to the car, his thoughts moving way to fast through his head, they always do that. Right now his thoughts seemed centered around Steve. Scrawny, little Steve, hooking a ride with Bucky to get to Montreal.

When he saw Steve blushing earlier, he couldn’t help but think it was possibly one of the most adorable things he had ever seen. It was more then that though, he was kind, a lot kinder then Bucky he was sure, and what he just told him in there proved it even more so. He didn’t think the woman deserved anything, he saw someone in need of help and helped.

It was confusing him, his new attachment to Steve. He wasn’t even his type, physically anyway, but he found himself not caring. He found himself actually enjoying the little punk. But he could tell he didn’t fully trust him, not yet. Bucky could understand that, he never gave Steve, or anyone really, a lot about his past. Bucky kept telling himself it was because the less they knew the better.

Sometimes he though he was just telling himself that because he had trouble remembering his past. He sometimes would be sitting there and forget where he is. He started making this thing for himself, to help him remember himself when things like that happened. He got the idea while reading “ _Mockingjay”_ by Suzanne Collins. It was something Katniss did to help her when she started freaking out, and it helped Bucky too.

That was what Steve walked in on when he came out of the bathroom, why he was so jumpy. Usually people don’t throw him off like that. If someone would find him doing that he would be cool about it, maybe tell them they were being ridiculous. But around Steve he just kinda freaked out.

He pulled the blankets out of the backseat of the car and slammed the door. He started walking back to the house when a light, cool breeze blew across his face and a piece of paper landed in front of him. He looked down at it and gulped, seeing his own face looking back up at him. A mugshot from the camp. The HYDRA camp. Bucky looked around before picking it up and ripping it apart.

***

 **Time:** _1:24am_ **Place:** _A HYDRA camp, Ithaca, New York_

“How do we know you’re telling the truth about seeing James Barnes?” the officer said to the woman. She was at the front desk of the camp. Even from here she could hear the screams of the children.

“You don’t.” she replied. “But I am also the only lead you got.” The woman put he hands on the desk and leaned towards the man.

“He must be pretty important, to have the Red Skull himself put out an order for him. How long has it been since Mr. Barnes escaped? I’m sure your commander is getting a little bit sick of having nothing to go on.” she whispered. The man had a glint of fear in his eyes at the mention of the Red Skull. He tired to hide it.

“Mr. James Banes is simply an escapee. We can’t have him wandering around, spreading about what we do here.”

“He is really excellent with knives. Far more excellent then even people who have trained all their lives. I should know, I’m one of them. There is no way a kid just learns that.” she squinted her eyes at the man, “Unless someone programmed it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took longer then the others! I was really sick for three days. :( Then again this might be good practice for waiting, because I'm going to Paris next week for a bit, so there would be no updates, but I'll try and post more before then! Anyway, just want to say thank you for commenting, kudos, and reading through my terrible spelling! If you want more info on the story or just give me an idea or something you can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com where I pretty much live. I felt this chapter was also kind of lame but yay Bucky pov very briefly and more things for the plot! (P.s. don't judge me on the boner thing, that was the closest I have ever gotten to dirty writing so it may have been bad.) I'll try and update soon!


	5. Bad Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was beat and bloody, it hurt to even breath. They dragged him across the ground, none to gently either, when he looked up and saw the symbol. He remembered making fun of the symbol, saying it looked like an angry octopus, but now striked fear into his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "Bad Blood" by: Bastille

It got really cold at night so Steve was grateful for the blankets Bucky got from the car.

Steve had tried to argue more on the fact that Bucky should take the couch, in which Bucky just shook his head and set up his blankets on the floor, tossing the other ones to Steve on the couch.

Now it was about two hours later and Steve couldn’t sleep. Another reason why he wanted the floor was because he knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep, so he felt bad about Bucky, who actually was sleeping, having to sleep on the cold, hard floor. He wondered if Steve’s nightmares even occurred to Bucky when he insisted on him taking the couch.

Eventually Steve’s thoughts began to settle and he drifted off to sleep.

***

_He was back at his old house in Brooklyn, no one was home though, but he felt like someone was coming, someone he wanted to come._

_Sure enough a few seconds later he heard a knock on the door. Steve ran over and opened it up to see Bucky leaning against the frame. He had that half-grin on his face that made Steve’s insides melt._

_“Hey punk.” he said, before leaning down to kiss Steve. He wished he could describe it but for some reason he couldn’t. He wondered why._

_He didn’t really have time to think about it because this kiss deepened. The door closed behind Bucky and Steve found himself against the wall, still kissing Bucky. His heart was beating out of his tiny chest, everything was fuzzy around the edges and all he could focus on was Bucky._

_Bucky pulled back briefly and Steve opened his eyes to see Peggy standing behind Bucky, wearing a flowing white dress, her eyes sadly looking at Steve._

_“What are you doing here Peggy?” he asked her, Bucky turned around then looked back at Steve with a questioning look on his face._

_“Steve, there is no one there.” he said, but Steve was still looking at Peggy. Something wasn’t right here. She shook her head sadly at him._

_“This is almost like a dream.” Steve whispered to himself. He looked down at his hands. He remembered reading something once about if you’re dreaming you didn’t have ten fingers._

_His hands had twelve fingers._

_Suddenly everything seemed clearer, they’re were so many faults in the dream. The wallpaper was the wrong color, Bucky’s nose looked slightly different, and Peggy’s eyes wern’t the right shade._

_“It is a dream.” he whispered to himself again. He looked up at dream-Bucky, who had a look of confusion on his face._

_“I think I’m going to wake up now.” Steve said, going up on his tippy-toes and kissing Bucky on the mouth, and_ _the world shattered around them._

***

Bucky wasn’t sleeping. He kept hearing Steve trying to get in a comfy position which would wake him up. The when Steve finally went to sleep, Bucky was still wide awake, wondering what Steve saw in his dreams that made him scream out in the night, wondering if he would do it again.

He didn’t really have nightmares, which Bucky thought was weird, knowing all the shit he’d seen, he should be having nightmares, but he didn’t. Then again, he barely remembered those things in the waking world.

Why was he worrying so much about Steve having nightmares anyway? He never was concerned about other people before, he wasn’t concerned now. Well, he was. That was kind of the whole problem. He sighed and turned over so he was facing away from the couch. The floor was rock hard and cold. God, he was so stupid for letting Steve take the couch. What was wrong with him? Bucky could practically feel himself going crazy.

_He’s just a skinny dork. Why am I beating myself up about this? he thought to himself._

_Well he does have pretty nice eyes, and he has been getting more muscle..._

_Ah! Shut up!_

This was pretty much his thought process right now, trying to convince himself Steve was nothing special only to fail miserably. If only the punk wasn’t so nice. He almost wished Steve was a total asshole who was always pining after hot girls, instead Bucky seemed to be doing all the pining.

_Why am I even thinking about this? It’s the freaking zombie apocalypse, I am slowly losing my memories, I am in possibly one of the worst towns you could be in, and the car is slowly falling apart. So here I am, getting a crush on some skinny nerd, who’s sorry ass I saved about a week ago?_

The car really was breaking down though, Bucky found himself having to drive her slower and slower everyday. He doesn’t think Steve’s noticed yet, and he doesn’t know what to do when it breaks. Both of them need to get to Canada and they haven’t even hit the Adirondacks yet.

Steve suddenly woke up next to Bucky, sitting bolt upright, gasping for air.

“What now kid? Did you have another nightmare?” Bucky asked, trying to sound more annoyed then concerned. Steve shook his head.

“No, not exactly.”

“Then what was it?” Bucky said.

“Just a dream.” Steve replied curtly, so Bucky stopped asking about it.

“Well, I’m just going to go back to sleep. Don’t wake me up again.” Bucky said, pulling his blanket back up and turning away from Steve. Like he’d be getting any sleep. He wished. Bucky heard Steve settling back into the couch and heard his breaths even out again, showing he was asleep.

Once again Bucky’s thoughts drifted back to Steve. Okay, so he might have a tiny crush on the punk, but it wasn’t a big deal. Steve didn’t return the feeling, and besides it was just a crush. People got them. He’d get over it.

_Maybe if it was a different situation..._

_No. Because even if it was a different situation Steve would still deserve more then me._

***

Bucky somehow managed to fall asleep that night and woke up to morning sunlight streaming into his eyes. He groaned and rubbed his eyes, propping himself up on his elbows. Jesus Christ his back was sore. Stupid floor. He looked over at Steve, who was curled in his blanket like a cocoon, breathing in through his nose and out in a little breath from his mouth. Bucky couldn’t help but think how adorable it was.

He had to wake him up. He knew he did. They had to head out now, because this was right around the time people woke up to go to work.

That was when he heard the first scream, which startled Steve from his sleep. Their eyes met and they ran over to the window, looking to see what the commotion was about as more screams were released. Bucky almost puked at the sight.

It was a person hung up on one of the poles, their skin was removed and spread out around them, hung by various hooks and wires. The intestines were placed in their hands, still connected to the stomach. Bucky heard Steve get up and run to the bathroom, the sounds of retching soon following. He realized he should go help Steve, but he noticed something about the body that was familiar to something.

_He was beat and bloody, it hurt to even breath. They dragged him across the ground, none to gently either, when he looked up and saw the symbol. He remembered making fun of the symbol, saying it looked like an angry octopus, but now striked fear into his heart._

_“No!” he screamed as they dragged him through the doors and dropped him in front of the man, who smiled wickedly down at Bucky._

_“Looks like we found our soldier.”_

“HYDRA.” Bucky whispered. Bucky got up and stumbled towards Steve, who was now dry retching into the toilet.

“Steve, we have to go now.” he told him urgently.

“Why?” Steve asked, his voice hoarse from puking. Bucky grabbed him by the arm and swung him up onto his, shaky, feet.

“I’ll explain it all later, whole point is we have to go. Our lives are in danger.”

Steve didn’t ask any more questions after that. Bucky rushed around collecting the blankets while Steve ran over and grabbed the backpack. Everything blurred together in Bucky’s mind, the world was spinning as memories ebbed in and out of his head. Screams. Syringes. Blood. He hurried out the door, Steve close behind him. They ran to the car and Steve threw the stuff in the back before leaping into the passenger seat, as Bucky also jumped into the driver’s seat, slammed the doors, and skidded out of the parking spot.

“Holy shit, Bucky!” Steve screamed as they ran right into the crowd of people that was growing under the body, all moved out of the way though, so Bucky continued his reckless driving and swerved around another corner, heading towards the back gate that would get them out of the town.

Another car appeared out of nowhere, a black van, all sleek and new. The HYDRA symbol was pasted on the side.

“Fuck they’re on our tail!” Bucky shouted, then one of the windows rolled down from the van and the gunshots started going off. Steve and Bucky both swore fluently and Bucky started swerving the car down the road, trying to avoid the bullets.

“They’re aiming at the tires!” Steve yelled to Bucky. To Bucky this was obvious, they wern’t trying to kill him, they wanted him back, to continue their sick expirement, whish Bucky still had trouble remembering.

Bucky took some more turns trying to lose the guy, but was keeping up with them just fine. Then Bucky heard a gunshot and a bang went of from the car and the sound of dragging metal proceeded to follow them.

“They got the bumper!” Steve told Bucky, after checking it out in the review mirror. The car was going to die, Bucky could feel it, she was already starting to slow down, plus the smell of gas and oil coming from it could not be good either. They had to find something else to drive, but first they needed to lose HYDRA.

“I got a plan.” Bucky said, then swerved into an alley. Steve yelped as the sides of the car screeched against the brick walls. Bucky’s car was slightly smaller then the HYDRA van so the had no choice but to find a different way to get to the kids.

Bucky took a few more turns until they arrived at a junk yard, just in time to, because the car sputtered and died. One of the wheels even popped off. Steve and Bucky sat there in the seats, gasping for air, sweat plastering their hair to their foreheads. Bucky counted twenty seconds in his head before getting out of the car, running over to the junk yard. Steve let out a sigh of annoyance and followed him over.

“What are we looking for?” Steve asked Bucky, knowing they needed to get out of there and were far from safe yet.

“Something to drive.” Bucky muttered. Steve thought about the chance of actually being able to find a drivable vehicle in the dump before the people in the van found them was highly unlikely, but Bucky was in a frenzy, he looked terrified. Steve decided not to point out how unlikely it was to accomplish this and went along with it, mostly because he didn’t want to cause Bucky to break down and strangle him. He still remembered catching Bucky talking to himself last night.

Luck had to have felt sorry for the kids and catch them a break, because about five minutes later Steve heard Bucky let out a “woop” and an over to see Bucky pulling out a freaking motorcycle from a pile of junk.

“Holy shit.” Steve whispered, not even able to belive their luck. Bucky looked up at Steve.

“No swearing around me unless we’re in immediate danger, Rogers.” he said, then looked back to the bike, his eyes big, running his hand down the side of it. Bucky put it on the ground and got on top of it.

“Even the key’s still in.” Bucky said. He turned it in the ignition and the motorcycle roared to life. Bucky got a huge smile on his face and looked up at Steve and started laughing. Steve couldn’t help but laugh too. They got some luck at long last. Bucky killed the ignition.

“Alright punk. Go shove as much supplies as you can in that backpack you got.” he told Steve. He nodded and ran to the car, Bucky called after him.

“Also pack my copy of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird,’ I still want to see how it ends!”

Steve opened th back car door and started shoving things in the backpack, the thing was huge. He put in some food, all the water, the asprin, deotarant, dry-shampoo, the razors, flashlights, batteries, and bars of soap. Bucky had all the weapons, but Steve made sure to grab the metal baseball bat. He went to Bucky’s stack of paperbacks and grabbed “To Kill a Mockingbird,” which had a bookmark in it. Among the books were also “The Perks of being a Wallflower,” “The Hunger Games,” and “The Diviners.” Steve felt bad for leaving so many books behind, being a book lover himself, but he could barely fit the one Bucky requested in the bag. He had to leave the blankets behind because of the space they would take up in the backpack.

Steve closed the car door and ran back to the bike, the bag and the bat on his back when he realized something.

“Where am I supposed to sit?” Steve asked Bucky. He wondered briefly if Bucky would leave him here. He felt his heart break a little at the thought. Plus he gave him Peggy’s necklace so now he would have nothing to bargin with to get to Canada. Bucky gave him a look.

“You’re obviously riding behind me on the seat.” he told him. Steve felt himself relax for a second only to stiffen back up again, realizing he what position he would be in relative to Bucky on the bike.

“Ah.” Steve said. Bucky scooched forward a little bit to give Steve more room and he hopped on, trying to be as far away from Bucky as possible. Bucky sighed.

“You do realize you are going to fall off like that? And we don’t have any helmets so there is literally nothing between you and the ground.”

“Ah.” Steve said again. “So what do I do to keep from being a blob of red on the pavement?”

“First off, you’re going to have to be closer, no room for personal space, punk.” Steve scooted closer to Bucky so he was pretty much against his back, “Yep, like that. Now you’re going to have to put your arms right around my stomach.” Was it just Steve or did Bucky’s voice sound a little bit shaky? He ignored it and put his arms lightly around Bucky’s stomach, trying to leave a little bit of space in between them.

“Now you’re going to have to keep like that while we’re moving. I’m going to start the bike in three... two...” Bucky said then the bike roared to life and Bucky sped off. Steve forgot about space and tightened his grip around Bucky’s waist, pressing his face into his back. His heart was hammering in his chest with fear as he felt Bucky turn several corners, the wind whipping at his hair.

 _Dear God I’m going to die!_ Steve thought to himself, burying further into Bucky’s leather jacket.

“Alright Steve, there are going to be HYDRA agents at the gate, so we’re going through one of the holes in the fence, which should be big enough for the bike.” Bucky yelled at him, words being lost in the wind. Steve had questions, like why didn’t Bucky mention the hole in the fence earlier? Why was HYDRA after Bucky? But he was to petrified in fear so he just nodded into Bucky’s jacket to show he heard him. Well, most of him anyway.

They passed through the hole in the fence without incident and were soon back in the woods. Bucky had been driving for about three hours and the adrenaline from the HYDRA attack was wearing off, plus the fact he pretty much got no sleep last night was causing him to be getting very tired, even though it was only about noon. Steve still hasn’t moved his head from the place right between Bucky’s shoulder blades, which Bucky wasn’t complaining about, but he needed Steve to stop being so afraid of the bike. He needed him for lookout at the very least.

It was about two o’clock on the motorcycle clock when Bucky gave up, realizing he couldn’t go on any longer. His eyelids felt heavy and they were far enough away from The Waste to stop. He pulled over to the side of the road and put the kickstand down. Steve raised his head and Bucky felt the emptiness between his shoulder blades he didn’t like.

 _Ignore it, James._ he told himself.

“Alright Steve, let’s set up camp.”

***

 **Time:** _2:24pm_ **Place:** _Montreal, Canada_

“According to the HYDRA news feeds they had the kid in The Waste, but he slipped through their fingers.” Natasha told Howard Stark, who was leaning over various papers. He looked so tired.

“Anything else?” Howard asked.

“Yeah, there was another kid with him.”

“Any idea who? Is he another escapee?”

Natasha shook her head. “They’re analyzing the fingerprints from the car they left. If he was an escapee they would have known right off the bat, he would have been in the archives.”

Howard sighed, pushing his glasses up and rubbing his eyes. Natasha opened her mouth to say something else when a crash sounded from inside the compound, followed by Sam swearing loudly and Clint yelling at him.

“You might want to check on them. We have a lot of work to do right now.” Howard said. Nat nodded and walked out, wondering what her dumb boyfriend did to Sam now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More back story for Bucky! I plan to add more zombies soon, but right now I've been focusing a lot on HYDRA. Had to ditch the car, a motorcycle seems more Bucky's style. This will be the last update for awhile because I'm leaving for Paris for a week. Thank you all for putting up with the terrible spelling errors and plot holes, also for the kudos, comments and bookmarks! If you want to know more about the fic, or head cannons, or whatever, you can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com where I procrastinate on life. Thank you again for reading! :)


	6. Not About Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Everything will be fine. Alright Steve? It’ll get better.”
> 
> Steve sniffled and looked up at Bucky with puffy red eyes.
> 
> “How do you know?” he asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "Not About Angels" by Birdy

Steve couldn’t understand how Bucky was sleeping on the ground like that, with only his leather jacket as a pillow. Steve could see Bucky’s amazing biceps. He was trying not to look too long.

In order to distract himself from Bucky’s biceps-that-could-crush-his-skull he grabbed “To Kill a Mockingbird” from the bag. He had already read the book before; it was really good. If it weren’t for the book he would have probably never met Peggy.

_“What are you reading?” the girl asked him. She had an English accent and wore red lipstick. She was beautiful. She was talking to him. No one ever talked to him. She must be new; she’d learn soon not to talk to him. It was social suicide._

_“Um, it’s “To Kill a Mockingbird”,” Steve stuttered out._

_“I’ve heard of that. I never read it before though,” she said._

_“This is, like, my fifth time reading it. You could borrow it, if you want,” Steve could feel himself blushing. He was going to die; he could feel it. The girl smiled._

_“I would love too, I promise to return it,” she said. Steve closed his tattered copy and handed it to her._

_“My name is Peggy Carter,” she told him. Steve recognized her name. They had science together second period. He wasn’t going to tell her this though; he didn’t want to seem like a stalker._

_“I’m Steve. Steve Rogers.”_

It seemed odd, yet fitting, that both people Steve had ever fell for both liked Steve’s favorite book. Then again, it had been pretty popular before the apocalypse, so it wasn’t that weird. Steve opened the book and started reading it quietly out loud. The woods were creeping him out with their silence. He was careful not to move Bucky’s bookmark.

He couldn’t concentrate on it. He kept looking back at Bucky. He kept thinking of Peggy. Of Howard. Then back to Bucky. He had it bad. Hell, you knew you had it bad when you should be watching out for the undead and instead you are looking at the little furrow between their eyebrows when they slept and how their mouth drooped just so slightly open... Agh!

Steve closed the book and shut his eyes, putting his head down in his hands. He was so frustrated at himself. His thoughts were moving too fast for him in his own damn head. One minute he felt guilt and love for Peggy, then the next he felt longing for Bucky.

In truth, he felt bad for liking Bucky so soon after Peggy, he really did love Peggy, he still loved her. She was Peggy; people like Peggy didn’t come often.

Except, Bucky was like Peggy. They were both sarcastic at times; they were both strong, stronger than Steve could ever be. They both like “To Kill a Mockingbird”, and they both took Steve in when he had nothing else.

He wanted to cry. He could feel the tears swelling behind his eyes, the pressure building in his chest that would become a sob.

_Stephen Rogers you are not going to cry. You can’t wake up Bucky. He was dead on his feet and if you wake him up with your little sob-fest, not only will he be pissed, but you would just be rude to wake him up after he saved your ass today._

The self pep-talk helped ease the pain in his chest a little, but he was thinking about how they left The Waste so quickly. Bucky got spooked. He mentioned HYDRA, the same people the guy who helped them sneak into The Brothel told him about, how they had taken the kids, how Bucky rescued the guy from going there.

Another thing Bucky and Peggy seemed to have in common was a like for secrets.

Thinking about Peggy made him want to cry all over again. He couldn’t hold it back, he was tired and hungry, and he was thinking about the woman who was almost raped that he saved. The world was fucked up; it was fucked up before and it was more fucked up now. HYDRA killed an innocent man and destroyed his body just to send a message, zombies were everywhere, and he couldn’t even concentrate on the dumb book. Tears slipped from his eyes, warm on his cheeks. He bit his lip so the sobs couldn’t escape, but they were building in his chest. He tasted blood where he was biting his lip.

A sob escaped. He couldn’t help it. Steve expected Bucky to leap up and yell at him for waking him up, but he still laid there peacefully. Another sob. He couldn’t stop them now.

Bucky’s eyes blinked open blearily. He looked up at Steve, concern layered in his dark brown eyes. He pushed himself up onto his elbows.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked him, his voice husky from sleep.

“Everything. Everything is wrong, Bucky,” Steve sobbed. He hated himself so much right then; how he could not stop crying. It was like everything was just around the edges for a while, pushing in on a fragile glass case, and now it was suddenly flooding him, drowning him. Sobs tore from his throat. Bucky got up and sat next to him.

Bucky didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want Steve to cry, but he didn’t know how to help. How did people normally offer comfort to their friends?

A memory came to him. He was five he thought, maybe four. He was running down a driveway, no, his driveway, and he fell. He remembered blood and how he had started crying. A lady with dark brown hair, his mom, had come running out to him and she sat beside him. She had pulled him into her lap and she stroked his hair.

_“It’s okay sweetheart. Let me see it,” she whispered gently, removing his hand from his knee. She chuckled._

_“It’s just a scrap, Jamie. Come on; let’s go get you a band-aid. Everything will be fine.”_

_She picked him up and hugged him close to her chest. She smelled like lemons and lavender and Bucky felt better. Being close to someone, it helped._

Before he thought about it too long he put his hand on Steve’s back and gently patted it as the sobs racked through Steve’s frail body.

“Everything will be fine. Alright Steve? It’ll get better.”

Steve sniffled and looked up at Bucky with puffy red eyes.

“How do you know?” he asked.

“Because that’s just how it works. You cry about it. Cry as hard as you can. Then you work to get rid of the problem,” Bucky told him. Steve just looked at him with his puppy eyes.

“So cry. Cry now and then we work. Remember, I’m here to help... You don’t have to be alone with this,” Bucky continued. Then Steve started crying again. Bucky wondered if he said the wrong thing. Steve grabbed Bucky and put his head in his shoulder and sobbed. Bucky froze for a moment before putting his arms around Steve and just letting him cry into his shoulder. He felt a bit guilty for how much he liked Steve in his arms like this; he just wished it was for different reasons.

_Bucky, you need to stop these thoughts. You’re doing what any decent human being would do, you’re comforting him._

Eventually the sobs turned into sniffles and then stopped altogether. Steve realized what position he was in and pushed back from Bucky a little bit. He looked into Bucky’s eyes.

“You don’t have to be alone either,” he said.

They both knew what their words meant; it was comfort, sure, but also a challenge. Would they be honest with each other? Or just continue to stumble blindly through to Canada as strangers? Bucky looked down at the ground. Steve sighed, knowing the answer, and got up, brushing the last of his tears away from his eyes. He leaned down to pick up Bucky’s jacket from the ground and handed it to him.

“I really like the color purple,” Bucky whispered. It was so quiet; Steve almost thought he didn’t hear him, almost like it was a secret. Maybe to Bucky it was. It wasn’t a whole lot, but it was a start. Steve smiled a little bit.

“My favorite color is red,” Steve told him. Bucky looked up at him. Steve always thought of Bucky as kinda hard, what with the leather and motorcycle and all, but he saw kindness in his dark brown eyes. He also noticed how tired he looked, with dark purple rings under those eyes and a slight paleness to him. Right then he almost looked vulnerable. Bucky took the jacket from Steve and stood up, walking over to the bike.

“Let’s head out. We’ll stop again at sunset,” he said, the hardness back in his voice. Steve felt fear again at the thought of going back on that bike. He pushed it down and followed Bucky. After all, he didn’t mind the thought of having his arms around Bucky again.

***

“Steve, you can’t just bury your head in my back every time we’re on this thing!” Bucky shouted, the wind rushing through his ears. He felt Steve shake his head on his back.

Bucky was fine with Steve being close to him and all, hell, he liked it, but if the bike was going to be their new mode of transportation, Steve needed to stop being afraid of it.

He couldn’t really see how you could be afraid. Bucky loved the bike; he could feel the world falling back, the world with HYDRA, zombies, and places like The Waste. He had Steve’s arms wrapped around him. Riding the bike... it felt like flying, he felt strong. He felt fearless.

He felt free.

He wished Steve could feel it too.

At the same time it gave him a little bit too much time to think. Thoughts from what happened earlier ran through his head. Steve crying, Steve hugging him, Steve telling him his favorite color was red.

He needed to cut it out. He could not care this much about Steve. Even if the kid was getting more muscle, he was still small, fragile. Bucky was going to leave him in Canada; that was the deal.

Bucky could feel the necklace Steve had given him, traded with him, in the inside pocket of his leather jacket. It was obviously feminine. He wondered whom it had belonged too. His mother? A sister? Maybe a girlfriend? Or did he just pull it off some dead body in the streets of Brooklyn?

_It’s not your business. It’s just a way of profit, a way to get some food or buy someone into not turning you into HYDRA. Whatever the personal attachment it had to Steve, it doesn’t matter. It’s mine now, he scolded himself. He felt guilty about it. Again._

God, why did Steve make him feel so guilty? So happy? He learned you can’t trust anyone, he has pushed back on himself, put on the I’m-a-bad-boy-who-happens-to-be-sarcastic mask on and bam, he was golden.

Ever since then he had begun to remember more, more about the things he used to grasp at, but would slip through his fingers like mist. Now the memories were solid, tangible. All since Steve. A little scrawny kid with too much dirt in his hair that was wandering the streets of Brooklyn, his wild brown eyes filled with grief, and fear, and strength. There was always strength in there too. Bucky hoped it might be useful in this situation.

“Come on, punk. Look at the trees and the sky, feel the wind on your face!” Bucky tried again. Still no budging. Bucky sighed. The colors may have been a start, but they were far from full-blown trust.

It hurt Bucky to think of that.

***

 **Time:** _4:27pm_ **Place:** _S.H.I.E.L.D. hideaway (unknown location)_

“Thor! You might want to look at this!” Skye called, her computer screen blinking wildly as HYDRA information flooded in. A boy with shaggy blonde hair ran up and looked at the screen.

“What is it?” he asked, his eyes darting at the screen.

“They found the kid. The one that escaped, he got away though,” Skye told him, pulling up a map. A set of pictures came in, one of a boy with dark brown hair scraping his shoulders, and another blonde boy. Thor looked at the spot flashing on the map, recognizing they had been to The Waste.

“Can you track where they are heading?” he asked her. Skye bit her lip a little and furrowed her eyebrows. Thor sometimes forgot that she had limits; she was only fourteen after all. He was only seventeen himself, for the matter. Finally she nodded her head.

“They seem to be heading north,” she said, her fingers flying across the keyboard, her eyes drinking in the screen. Thor knew when she got like this there was no talking to her. He got up and walked back over to his brother, who was standing in the corner of the room, brooding.

Looking at them you wouldn’t think they were brothers, in which case you would be right, considering Loki was adopted into Thor’s family, but he was all Thor had right now. Bruce and Tony had disappeared about a month ago, leaving Thor all alone. So besides tracking James Barnes, which was Skye’s job, they had Jane and Darcy trying to find them.

“Nick’s not going to like this,” Loki said to Thor.

“Why? This is the closest we have ever gotten to the guy. Why would he not like it?” Thor asked, genuinely curious. Normally his brother did not have a lot of input on these things.

“Because now HYDRA also knows where he is. If we send out someone to get him, there is a good chance for them to find us. Then there will be no resistance left,” Loki explained. It did make sense now that Thor thought about it.

“Ever wonder why we’re even hunting the poor guy down?” Thor said. Loki looked at him before answering.

“We are hunting him because he is a weapon for HYDRA, and we need to find him before he gets activated.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a bloodless chapter which instead I replaced with tears. This is what happens when I go to the city of love for a week, I get sappy.  
> More people! Isn't that just peachy? I don't know what I'm going to really do with Bruce and Tony (relationship wise) but they are going to be really important to the plot of the story. This is the first chapter that I used a beta reader (who I think did fabulous) and I swear there will be more zombies soon! Also thank you to everyone for reading, commenting, bookmarking, and leaving kudos. It really means a lot. If you need to find me for more about the fic, or have any suggestions or something like that you can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com. Next chapter soon! (I hope)


	7. Buzzcut Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do it, the words went through his head, almost like a command. He didn’t know why he should kill the man. Wasn’t he just desperate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Buzzcut Season by: Lorde

Snitches were evil. Not the HYDRA kind of evil, but still evil. The greedy evil, the evil where you know you’re doing something terrible, it isn’t for a cause or your family or whatever, it’s just because you wanted something for yourself.

Bucky had been face to face with a Snitch before. Even though his memories of the time in the HYDRA camp were still next to none, he knew he’d never before seen the look he saw on that Snitch he encountered.

He had just gotten away from the HYDRA camp, he was still weak and had to sit down to rest every ten minutes so the world would stop spinning around him. He had been out for two days. He had used up all his strength getting those three kids out of a truck that was bringing them to the camp. He hadn’t eaten or had anything to drink. His throat felt permanently dry and he didn’t even feel the stomach pains anymore.

Bucky was lying against and old tree, gasping for air when he encountered the Snitch.

The Snitch reminded him of the drug addicts that he used to see when he went up to the Bronx, the ones that were always in those houses with yellowed windows, the ones always shaking even when it was eighty degrees.

Not like the guy looked like one really, he was as thin as one maybe, but he had obvious muscle and a face filled with scars. It was the eyes really, the deep bags under them and redness in the whites. The way he looked at Bucky like he just found a syringe of heroin lying in the street. The Snitch had given Bucky a creepy smile. His teeth also looked like a drug addict's, all yellow with black spots in them, and he was missing a few on the bottom.

Bucky’s memory of it had gotten fuzzier since then, but he remembered the way the man tried to coo him over, his gun in hand. Bucky didn’t buy it and the man went mad. Bucky remembered the man had lunged at him and Bucky had to roll out of the way. He didn’t feel tired and dehydrated anymore. Something had clicked in his brain. He fought the man with skill and strength, quickly disarming him. He had stood above the Snitch, the gun in his hand, aiming it at his skull.

 _Do it,_ the words went through his head, almost like a command. He didn’t know why he should kill the man. Wasn’t he just desperate?

 _He got in the way of the mission,_ the words came again. The world had faded into grey around Bucky; it was only the words. A mission. His… his… mission. His finger had started to close around the trigger when an image flashed before him; his mom’s smiling face, so full of light and color. He dropped the gun and the world came back to him. He felt tired and weary again.

 _My name is James,_ he thought to himself. He forgot, in those few seconds, his name.

He picked up the Snitch’s bag and his gun and ran through the woods.

Bucky hoped Steve never had to deal with a Snitch. They were ruthless, cruel human beings. They were also well known to do things to the kids before turning them into HYDRA. Normally if you were a female, but it happened to males as well. Bucky wondered if it was a Snitch that turned him into HYDRA. He couldn’t remember.

If he really thought about it, he would rather face a hundred zombies and every gang in the Waste than have to deal with one Snitch.

The universe seemed to have a different idea.

Bucky and Steve had just reached the ruins of some town. Cars were piled in the street, and houses were burned down. It looked like a ghost town. Bucky kept his eyes sharp for zombies; they loved towns like this, but there were none in sight.

That was when Bucky first realized something was up. He didn’t want to stay here for the night, it felt… off.

He was still awake from the nap he took earlier though. Steve, on the other hand, was starting to have trouble keeping on the bike. Whenever Steve’s arms started to loosen from around Bucky’s waist Bucky would elbow him lightly to get his attention back, then Steve would startle awake and his arms would tighten around Bucky’s hips once more. It was starting to get harder to wake him up.

Bucky found a house that was still relatively standing and Bucky pulled over into the grass infested driveway before stopping the bike and putting down the kickstand. He was starting to feel a little tired too, he couldn’t understand why though.

He still wasn’t nearly as tired as Steve was though. Steve almost stumbled getting off the bike, so Bucky had to hold him up and drag him over to the house. Bucky felt his own heart pumping wildly at having Steve so close, but he didn’t notice it as much as he should. There was definitely something off about this town; even the air felt wrong.

The house didn’t have a door, so the boys got in easily. There was a ratty couch in a corner of the room, so Bucky put Steve on it. His eyes were already closed and he only let out a mumble as a protest.

Bucky felt even tired now. He could feel fatigue in his limbs; his eyelids seemed to stick together whenever he blinked. He had been wide-awake when he entered this town, now he felt like he hadn’t slept for a week. He remembered a feeling like this, the fog in his head, the darkness closing in on the edges of his vision...

He was too tired to think about it. He laid down on the floor, not even bothering to use his jacket for a pillow. He felt his eyes closing shut when he remembered where he felt this before, this feeling.

_“This will only sting a little bit. We can’t have you doing something like that again,” the doctor said, his accent German. He tapped the syringe before sticking it into Bucky’s arm._

_The effects were almost instant, his vision blurred. Bucky could feel himself falling to the floor._

_“Well, it’s nice to know the new drug actually works on you, Mr. Barnes,” the doctor said again._

“We’ve been drugged.” Bucky mumbled. He needed to wake Steve up. He needed to get them both to the bike and drive far away from the town. But all Bucky could do was let the world fade from him. He saw a figure move behind Steve before his eyes closed and everything stopped.

***

The floor was cold. The wall was cold. He was cold. Everything was cold.  
Steve wanted to get up  
Had to get up  
But he couldn’t remember why.  
Darkness swept him under once more.

***

Bucky woke up to the sound of voices. They sounded hard and gruff. Bucky tried to stretch his arms but found they were tied together. He was really cold.

What happened in the house came back to him. They had been drugged. He didn’t know how though. They didn’t eat or drink anything.

He looked around the room. There was one door on the other side of it, a small wooden table with some chairs, and a light bulb hanging by a string, which lighted up the room. The walls were cold, wet, and had some sort of mold growing on them. There were no windows. Bucky looked and saw Steve next to him; his hands were also tied behind his back. He was curled up in a ball, sleeping. He was shivering. That made him mad, just knowing Steve was cold. It made him want to punch the person responsible for putting them here.

The door opened and three people came in, two men and a woman. The men looked like twins, except for the fact one had a wicked scar down the right side of his face. It was still a red color, meaning he hadn’t had it for that long. The woman on the other hand didn’t look like either of them. She looked very pretty, almost delicate, with a small button nose, high cheekbones, and cupid’s bow lips. Her eyes were big and brown, but hard and cold. The man with the scar had bright blue eyes that seemed to dance with insanity, while the other one seemed to have no emotion whatsoever. Scar-man smiled down at Bucky.

“This one’s awake! No one ever rebounds from Stardust that fast!” he said, his voice grated at Bucky’s ears like a knife. He assumed Stardust was the thing they drugged him and Steve with.

“The air is a lot cleaner down here, isn’t it?” Scar-man asked Bucky, a sly smile on his lips. That was when it hit Bucky.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! The air in the town, it was probably teeming with the drug!_

Scar-man seemed to register the realization in Bucky’s eyes because his grin turned into a full-blown, insane smile.

“I think HYDRA is going to like this one, he seems to catch on quicker then most. Pretty face too,” he leaned in closer to Bucky, his breath stank of cigarettes. Bucky felt anger build up inside him, but fear as well. The look in the man’s eyes reminded him of the looks girls from The Waste would get when seen walking alone in the dark from the men. He didn’t like it. He almost puked when the man touched the side of Bucky’s face. He flinched away and the man laughed. The woman shouted at him.

“You don’t get that one, Peter. He’s James Buchanan Barnes. The one HYDRA has been looking for,” she yelled. Scar-man, Peter, stepped back.

“I’m sorry Jeanine, I forget sometimes. It’s the boy’s fault for looking so... tempting,” Peter said, eyeing Bucky hungrily. He felt himself shiver, and it wasn’t from the cold.

“We can’t do anything to him. We need him for HYDRA.”

Peter gestured to Steve’s unconscious body, “What about that one?”

“There is nothing about him, but if he’s with James Barnes then we have to turn him in as well. No touchy.”

“You would have thought you had learned your lesson the last time with that red head girl,” the other man finally spoke. Peter rubbed at his scar.

“Yeah, she sure was a feisty one. What was her name again? Natallie? No, that’s not it. I don’t know, it started with an ‘N’ though.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Jeanine interrupted, “I’m making the call to HYDRA right now, and because I can’t seem to trust either of you with anything, as what happened last time to serve an example, you are both coming up with me.” With that she turned on her heel and walked out, both men following behind her. Peter closed the door and Bucky heard the click of a lock. He relaxed back against the moldy wall. He sighed and put his head back, closing his eyes.

“You’re shaking,” Steve’s voice said quietly. Bucky’s eyes snapped open and he looked at Steve, who was now sitting up with his knees brought to his chest, looking at Bucky with wide blue eyes.

Bucky could feel himself shaking. This was exactly what he did not want. Steve had met some Snitches, one was a complete creep who left even Bucky shaking. They were in a cold basement and about to be sent to a HYDRA camp, the last place Bucky wanted to be. Frustration and panic built in him and he felt his eyes get hot as he held back tears of frustration. He didn’t want Steve seeing him like this either. He hoped he was hiding it, at the very least.

He apparently wasn’t. Steve’s eyes showed sympathy, which Bucky hated, until suddenly Steve started looking around the room, his eyes dashing around, you could practically see a light bulb go off in his head. He turned back to Bucky.

“It’s okay, Bucky. I think I have an idea on how to get out of here.”

***

 **Time:** _10:34pm_ **Place:** _Montreal, Canada._

_**To: Howard Stark** _  
_**From: Phil Coulson** _  
_**Subject: Tony** _

_I’m sorry Howard. We still have not been able to locate your son, Tony Stark, or his friend Bruce Banner. We all realize it has been just under a month since they both vanished, but we have our best trackers on the job._ _Melinda has just set out_ _to see if they are in any of the nearby Colonies. I will contact you when we find them, I promise._

Natasha read the message before throwing it in the incinerator. She knew what she had to do. She was going to find them.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Natasha have plans. Hmmmmmmmm I wonder how this could possibly be important to the story... (mwhahahaha)  
> Also I may have named the evil Snitches after some characters in "Divergent" (great books btw)  
> Everything will add up, I promise! I also realize how zombie-less this zombie apocalypse is and I really need to work on that, might be harder to update because I have day camp for three weeks though.  
> Anyway, thank you all for reading, commenting, kudo-ing, and bookmarking! If you need to find me about this fic, have a headcanon idea, etc, you can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com :) Thanks again for reading!


	8. Ready, Aim, Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Does he know? Does he know HYDRA is hunting you down like a dog that broke free of his leash? Does he even know what you are?” Peter continued to taunt, making Bucky’s blood boil. Peter looked dead into Bucky’s eyes, “Do you even know what you are?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Ready, Aim, Fire by Imagine Dragons

Steve’s plan involved them dragging their asses across the floor and breaking the plastic things holding their wrists on the metal door handle.

“How the fuck is that going to cut open plastic? I mean really Steve,” Bucky said.

“The stuff is pretty cheap Bucky, I think it would be pretty simple,” Steve said, sounding slightly unsure though.

“Okay, whatever. So what would we do after we got out of this, I mean we would obviously just undo the bits around our ankles, but I mean how do we leave?”

“We pick the lock,” Steve told him. Bucky laughed.

“Oh really punk? How?”

“You still have that little knife, right?” Steve asked.

 _Oh my God, those dumb idiots forgot to search me for my knife,_ Bucky suddenly thought, realizing he could feel it against his chest, tucked under his shirt and leather jacket.

“Wait, couldn’t just one of us break our plastic handcuffs on the door, then cut the other guy, plus his own feet, loose?” Bucky questioned. Steve seemed to think about it a second before nodding.

So this thus resulted in Bucky dragging his ass across the cold, stone floor, and turning his back to the door, then trying to loop his cuffed wrists on the door handle, Steve whispering various instructions to him so he could actually get them on.

Success soared through Bucky when he felt the slight tug of the plastic against his wrists as the cuffs looped around the door handle.

“Good job Bucky! Now pull,” Steve whispered to him. Bucky pulled, preparing for the fact, even though the stuff was obviously cheap, it would take awhile for it to break.

He felt the plastic dig into his wrists for a painful moment before he heard the snap of the plastic and he was free. He looked back at Steve, his own surprise mirrored in his eyes.

“Well, I expected that to take longer,” was all Steve said. Bucky pulled out his knife and cut through the plastic around his ankles. When that was done, he hurried over to Steve. He only managed to cut his wrist cuffs when the sound of pounding feet approached them.

“Oh _fuck._ ” Steve said, and the door opened to reveal Peter. Bucky tossed the knife to Steve so he could finish cutting away the cuffs around his ankles and Bucky leapt up, his body in a fighting stance. Peter grinned.  
  
“Oh, this is going to be great,” he said, putting his fists up. Bucky lunged at him and Steve started sawing at the plastic, hearing the grunts and sound of fists hitting skin.

God damn it why won’t it cut? Steve thought.

Even though Bucky lunged first he quickly dodged away from Peter and then Peter went into offense while Bucky kept one thing in mind, don’t let him get to Steve.

Peter came at him again and Bucky skittered away from him. He could see frustration spark in Peter’s eyes.

“Come on, James. Why don’t you just get over this and let me knock your lights out while your little boyfriend watches,” Peter taunted, obviously trying to get Bucky mad. Peter went to punch him and missed. Bucky was paying so much attention to Peter he didn’t notice Steve had finally cut loose the cuffs and was holding the knife in his hand, slowly approaching Peter from behind.

“Does he know? Does he know HYDRA is hunting you down like a dog that broke free of his leash? Does he even know what you are?” Peter continued to taunt, making Bucky’s blood boil. Peter looked dead into Bucky’s eyes, “Do you even know what you are?”

Peter swung out to kick him; Bucky quickly grabbed his ankle and pulled. Peter landed on the ground, but instantly got back up again. He snarled at him.

“You’re going to pay for that.” Peter whispered. He went to lunge at Bucky when suddenly Steve was holding a knife to his throat. Peter stopped dead.

“Let us go,” Steve said, his voice cold, hard even. Peter started using his mad grin again.

“Or what?” Peter asked, his voice without fear.

“Or I’ll cut your throat.”

“Steve...” Bucky started, but Steve gave him a look and he snapped his mouth shut. Who ever would have thought that Steve, Steve, would have silenced him with that one look? Bucky could feel himself shaking, Steve was going to kill this man, a horrible man true, but the pain that went with killing someone... he didn’t need that.

“Go ahead and do it kid. I dare you,” Peter said, stretching his neck so Steve could get a cleaner slit. Steve’s hand began to shake. He threw the knife down and backed away from Peter.

“You’re a coward,” Peter spat at Steve, advancing on him. Steve stood up with his head high.

“I would rather be a coward than a killer,” Steve said. Peter chuckled then flew towards Steve and punched him so hard he fell to the ground.

First there was some sort of shock, then there was the anger, no, anger wasn’t even a strong enough word to describe what Bucky felt, this was pure rage, boiling hot. This wasn’t like the day in the woods with the other Snitch, he felt cold and detached, and that was grey. Now his vision was pure red. He picked up the knife that Steve dropped and lunged at Peter.

The right side of Steve’s face was killing him, of course he had been punched before so he knew what it felt like, but this guy was a lot stronger then the kids who beat him up in the alley. It ached and throbbed. Black spots danced in front of his eyes; he blinked them away and saw Peter on the ground, and Bucky on top of him, punching him in the face again and again and again.

“Stop,” Steve croaked out. Bucky’s fist froze in mid-air, fury worn like a mask on his face.

“Please, stop. We have to leave now, before the others notice something is wrong,” Steve said. Bucky slowly lowered his fist then got up and walked over to Steve.

“Do you need any help?” Bucky asked, his voice quiet. He wouldn’t meet Steve’s eyes. Steve wondered if it was because of the comment Peter made about HYDRA. Steve wanted to ask about it, but realized Bucky didn’t seem in a sharing mood. Steve shook his head and got up, wincing in pain. He didn’t need Bucky for everything; he could do this himself.

“Alright, let’s go,” Steve said. Bucky nodded and they left the room, Peter lying in the middle of it, his face dark with blood.

It turned out they were just in the basement of the house they had fallen asleep in. They found a staircase leading from the basement to the upstairs. It was still dark out. Steve wondered if it was still the same night or a different one.

The boys found their bag on the counter of the kitchen. Bucky checked and everything was still in there. These guys were really terrible Snitches.

“I bet the bike is still where we left it,” Steve whispered to Bucky, who just shrugged and walked slightly faster towards the door. Steve couldn’t ignore the slight pain that rang through his chest as he followed him out the door.

Steve did turn out to be right, the bike as still in the same exact spot it was before. Bucky handed Steve the backpack. When Steve went to grab it his hand accidentally brushed against Bucky’s and Bucky leapt back like he got an electric shock. Steve felt his heart break a little bit more, but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t like it mattered anyway. That seemed to be his motto about Bucky, nothing they did would matter because they were leaving each other in Canada anyway.

That didn’t make the coldness hurt any less though.

Bucky got on the bike and Steve sat behind him as always.

“Bucky, I’m going to need to put my arms around your waist so I don’t fall off,” Steve pointed out.

“I know,” Bucky whispered.

“Are you... going to be okay with that?” Steve asked. Bucky paused for a minute before nodding, and Steve gently put his arms around Bucky’s waist. He could feel him tense up beneath his arms.

“Did you actually think I was going to kill him?” Steve asked, his voice unbelievably quiet.

“I don’t know Steve,” Bucky answered. Steve nodded and Bucky started the bike and tore down the driveway.

They didn’t even hear the shouts of the other Snitches until they were all the way down the street, and by then it was too late for them to catch up.

***

They drove out of the town and were in some sort of woods again. Pine this time, though they couldn’t really tell, just the shape of what was left of the trees really. Steve hadn’t put his head on Bucky’s back and was now looking at the stars, which shined against the dark blue sky. He wished he could paint it, but he lost his paints a long time ago, back in the Second Hit.

His dad had died in Iraq when he was five, so Steve had pretty much been raised by his mom, who was a nurse at the local hospital. She was around the plague a lot, so it made sense that she got it.

Steve remembered smashing his paints against the sidewalk outside his house when he found his mom dead in her bed, vomit and blood everywhere. He remembered the paints mixing with the rainwater on the sidewalk to make a disgusting brown.

He remembered Peggy hugging him and rocking him while he cried and cried and cried.

“We’re almost to the Canadian border,” Bucky told Steve. Montreal was still pretty far in, but Steve could feel the sadness that Bucky would be leaving him soon.

“How far?” Steve asked.

“About fifteen miles,” Bucky replied.

Something, no, someone, ran in front of the motorbike suddenly and Bucky slammed the breaks.

“What the-” Bucky started, but the person in front of him cut him off. It was a girl, maybe a little bit younger then Steve and Bucky. She wore black pants and a black jacket with combat boots and a gun at her hip. She had dark red hair and blood was splattered across her face. The blood was a blackish color, showing it was zombie blood. She smiled at them. It was a terrifying smile, but not like Peter’s, more like an I-could-kill-you-in-your-sleep-so-you-better-watch-your-step kind of smile.

“Hello, boys. Any chance you have some spare food?”

***

 **Time:** _2:52am_ **Place:** _SHIELD hideaway_

“HYDRA got a call from some Snitches saying they had James Barnes, but when they showed up, they were gone,” Skye told Jenna, who bit her lip nervously. Thor was leaning against the wall with Sif, both talking in hushed tones. Fitz was standing with Skye and Jenna, he also looked nervous. Darcy and Pepper were still at the computers, looking for more information.

Suddenly Loki burst in with Jane by his side. He was holding a piece of paper in his hand. Everyone fell silent.

“We just got an email from Clint and Sam. Natasha is gone,” Loki told them all. It was silent for a moment, then everyone started shouting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Natasha meets the boys! Maybe she can try help patch up whatever is going on.  
> Not a lot of HYDRA or zombies in this chapter, but I wanted to show how sick and twisted people have become from the apocalypse, plus I feel like Bucky and Steve need some sort of conflict, what can I say, I like to see them suffer.  
> Anyway, thank you all for reading, leaving kudos, commenting, bookmarking, and all that fun stuff. You can follow me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com where if you want to know more about the fic or suggest something for it or whatever just pop into my ask box. Bye :)


	9. Tessellate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "From now on it’s strictly business, we’re heading to Canada and we’ll part as driver and rider, nothing more."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Tessellate by Ellie Goulding

The girl told them her name was Nat.  
  
Steve said his name was Steve, and Bucky said his name was Bucky. Steve noticed he didn’t tell Nat his real name was James, like he had when he and Steve first met.

Nat had the makings for a fire and when Bucky asked her how she expected to light a fire without zombies swarming like flies around them. She just replied with; “Thanks to me there won’t be a zombie in a ten mile radius.”

Steve saw the look of shock and grudging respect on Bucky’s face and he decided he liked Nat.

Plus, she was helping keep his mind off of Bucky.

After Nat asked for food, Bucky said they already had limited supplies on their food stock, and were not simply handing it out, but while he was ranting Steve shrugged off the backpack and pulled out some of the granola bars in it to throw at the girl, who caught them in mid-air. She smiled at them and Bucky glared, but didn’t say anything.

“Thanks, kid,” she said to Steve, then opened up a granola bar and took a bite out of it, chewing slowly.

“Well, you got your food. Now move out of the way,” Bucky growled at her. She gave him a good long look, her green eyes drinking in everything, not in a sexual way, but as if she was gathering data. She swallowed her food and smiled at him, like she was in on a secret neither of them knew.

“Your friend is shivering, I notice,” she said. Bucky looked behind him and looked at Steve.

She was right. It was cold out, plus they were just driving a motorcycle, and Steve didn’t have a jacket, so he was only wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, which was getting looser around the stomach, but tighter around his arms and chest, though he was still bony. He could feel his teeth chattering as the cold sunk into his skin and muscles. Bucky’s eyes widened with sympathy for a second, then like a door slamming closed, they got hard again. He turned back to the girl.

“What’s your point?” Bucky asked her.

“I have blankets and stuff for a fire, which I’m sure would warm him right up.”

“Why would you help us?” Bucky sneered.

“Because while you seem like a prick, your friend seems like half a decent human being, and when I meet someone like that in this God-forsaken wasteland, I don’t just let them die.” She looked at Bucky right in the eye, “I bet I’m not the only one with this rule.”

So thus it came to be that the girl introduced herself as Nat, and Bucky turned off the bike and had to drag it through the woods. Steve offered to help, but all Bucky did was grunt and say he could do it himself, which was a little bit of a blow for Steve, so he just walked with Nat.

They eventually reached Nat’s campsite, which had a small tent and a little fire pit. Plus a dead zombie looked like it had been thrown carelessly into the woods.

Nat lit a new fire without much difficulty and fed wood to it until it was nice and high. Steve scooted himself as close to it as he could, drawn to its warmth like a moth. Nat went into the tent. Steve could feel someone looking at him and turned to see Bucky looking at him, but looked away when Steve turned. He thought he saw guilt in his eyes, but he brushed it off as a trick of the light.

Nat reemerged from the tent with a tiny, wool, threadbare blanket with her, which she put around Steve’s shoulders before sitting next to him.

“Thank you,” Steve told her, wrapping the blanket around himself. Nat gave him a kind smile.

“It’s no problem,” she said. She cocked her head towards Bucky, who was now sitting against the tent, whittling something. “So what’s the deal with him? Is he always like this or...?”

Steve sighed, shaking his head.

“I don’t know. Hell, I don’t even really know him, but I thought we were getting, God I’m not sure, some sort of friendship, I guess. He’s taking me to Canada, and then we ran into some Snitches, one of them made a comment, and now he’s acting like it hurts when I touch him, and just kinda shutting me out.” He didn’t know why he was telling her all of this; she just seemed like someone you tell things to, because she knew how to keep a secret.

“It’ll be okay, just give him a little bit of space. It’s probably some sort of stress thing from whatever you guys saw. Why is he taking you to Canada?”

“I’m looking for someone, and I think he might be there,” he told her, deciding not to tell her he was looking for Howard Stark.

“I was just heading back up to Canada, mind if I tag along?” she asked him.

“You would fall off the bike. There’s not really a lot of room.”

She laughs; it’s a nice laugh. It’s warm and kind.

“I have my own bike. Don’t even try looking for it,” she said, seeing Steve looking around trying to see where her bike was, “I have it well hidden. It’s not as big as your friend’s though.”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind you tagging along, especially if you know the area, but Bucky is a whole other story.” Steve told her, and it was the truth. She got up from beside him and dusted off her black jeans.

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll talk to him.” she said, and sauntered over to where Bucky sat, too far away for Steve to hear them.

***

“What do you want?” Bucky said sharply as Nat sat down.

“I’m coming with you and Blondie to Canada on my bike,” she told him. He snorted.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because your boyfriend over there is fine with it.”

Bucky stopped whittling for a moment, his eyes flashed and danced in the light of the fire.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” he said.

“While I personally believe that is highly untrue, I am still coming because he wants me to come.”

“What if I say no?” He asked, his mouth in a tight line. He started whittling again, faster though.

“Because I know that even though, for whatever reason, you’re giving him the cold shoulder, you still care about him. You’ll do whatever he asks you to do, and he doesn’t even realize it.”

“I barely even know him.”

Nat shrugged, “Doesn’t change what I’m saying. Call it my amazing sense of intuition, but I can tell you like-like him.”

“What are you, five? No one says ‘like-like’ especially in a zombie apocalypse setting.”

“You still like him.”

“Well, your intuition sense must be wrong, because I don’t.”

“You do.”

“I don’t.”

“He likes you too. It’s kind of obvious,” Nat pushed, knowing exactly what she was doing. He actually stopped for a brief second before shaking his head.

“No he doesn’t.”

“He likes you for the same reason you like him. You both see something you haven’t seen for a long time, something different in this repetitive world of killing and hatred. Of murderers and rapists and Snitches and HYDRA,” she paused, “You both see the good that you are unwilling to see in yourselves.”

The silence was spilt by the sound of the branch Bucky was whittling snapping in his hand.

“Shit!” he shouted, blood leaking from his palm, the knife and broken branch on the ground. Steve looked over his shoulder and saw the blood. Bucky got up and stomped into the woods. Steve got up and ran after him, yelling his name. Nat leaned back with a small grin on her face.

 _Those two are hopeless,_ she thought to herself. Who would have thought James Barnes (yes she knew who he actually was, she wasn’t stupid) would be a romantic?

***

Bucky could hear Steve following him. He could feel the blood running down his hand and the sting of burned out branches as they whipped at his face. All he could think about was what Nat had said.

_“You both see the good you are unwilling to see in yourselves.”_

No. She was wrong. Steve was so pure and kind and good. Bucky was a weapon, an unknown object, a chess piece with broken parts. He realized that at the Snitch hideout. He only stopped punching the man because Steve told him to; his voice was so weak, so quiet.

Bucky could have killed him. Beaten him to a bloody pulp. The worst was he wanted to, he had wanted to so much. He didn’t deserve Steve, and Steve was far too good for him. He wasn’t even turning him into HYDRA.

He should. Steve should turn him in. He deserved it. He should have saved Steve and moved on, never telling him he would take him to Canada, never taking that necklace, never... never...

Bucky felt the compression in his chest, he couldn’t breathe. He had to stop.

He stopped running.

“Bucky, what’s wrong?” he heard Steve’s footsteps slow. He turned to him.

“Why? Why do you care?” Bucky asked him, his voice near silent and creaky from trying to hold back tears.

“Because... I don’t want to see you like this,” Steve answered. Bucky could hear the honesty in his voice. It made him angry. Not angry with Steve, but angry at himself. He didn’t deserve this, this kindness.

“Well it doesn’t matter! It’s none of your business if I’m like this! You don’t even know me, Steve! You don’t know what I’ve done, what I am!” Bucky yelled at him, tears spilling down his cheeks.

“Then tell me! Please, just let me help!” Steve yelled back.

“No, you should not be helping me! You should be running away from me, you should be calling me a monster, you should be turning me into HYDRA-”

“Never even suggest that to me,” Steve said. Bucky walked up to him and grabbed the front of his shirt.

“Just turn me in!” he screamed, “Just turn me in and let them kill me or do what they want to me. You’ll get food, money. Nat can take you up to Canada, just please! I’m not worth it! I’m not worth putting yourself in danger!”

Steve’s face showed only sadness and Bucky let him go and collapsed to his knees. It was then Steve saw Bucky’s hand.

“Bucky... your hand... let me get a bandage or something for it,” he said.

“Stop! Stop please, don’t. Just let me bleed, it won’t compare to the blood already on my hands, the terrible things I’ve done.”

Steve could feel anger. Anger that Bucky saw himself as a terrible monster for reasons Steve didn’t know, when he had just as much fault as him.

“You think you’re the only one who’s done horrible things?” Steve said, his voice deadly, “My girlfriend wanted me to shoot her in the head. She was bitten by a zombie. She didn’t want to go through the pain they had to just to become a mindless flesh eater. She told me to shoot her. I told her I couldn’t because I loved her. If I had really loved her I would have done it, shot her, because I wouldn’t want her to suffer. Instead she had to blow her own brains out because I couldn’t. I’m selfish. She deserved more, so much more than me. I... I loved her so much it hurt, and in the end I hurt her in more ways you could imagine.”

Bucky looked up at Steve. He wanted to say so many things, but couldn’t find the words. What do you say to someone who had to be asked by their girlfriend to be shot in the head?

Steve was crying now too.

“That necklace I gave you was hers. My last piece of her. So you are taking me to Canada, because that is how this works. I pay you and you do your job. You can not drive that dumb bike with a gash on your hand, so I’m going to freaking wrap it up so you don’t bleed all over this dumb forest, you got that?”

Bucky nodded numbly.

“Alright then. Let’s head back to Nat. From now on it’s strictly business, we’re heading to Canada and we’ll part as driver and rider, nothing more. It’s as simple as that,” Steve said and stalked off in the direction they came, Bucky got up and followed behind, fingers playing with the silver chain of the necklace in his pocket.

***

 **Time:** _11:00pm_ **Place:** _Unknown_

 

“I can’t believe you got us into this mess, Tony.”

“Oh cut it out. We were fine for a while.”

“Well it’s no longer a while now, is it?”

“Oh shut it, Banner. If you really were against me, you wouldn’t have been making out with me earlier.”

“You were also calling me ‘Bruce’ before and during said make out time.”

“Whatever. Look, I’ll get us out of here.”

There was a pause between the boys before Bruce spoke, his voice laced with fear.

“Do you promise?” he asked Tony. Tony grabbed his hand a gripped it tightly.

"I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, let's have them SUFFER MORE because what's a good love story without pain before the kissing?  
> I feel so guilty writing a zombie apocalypse fic now that I'm watching "In the Flesh" but... the show must go on!  
> I love Natasha, even if she did kinda make it worse for the boys, but it all comes into play.  
> Anyway, thank you all for reading, giving kudos, subscribing, bookmarking, and commenting (I really love comments, even if I don't reply, they just light up my day)  
> If you have questions or just feel like following another dumb fandom blog you can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com  
> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!


	10. Trade Mistakes (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think we should all go out, maybe to one of the clubs. We deserve to unwind a little bit, and Peter can show us one of the good ones,” Nat said. She elbowed Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Trade Mistakes by Panic! at the Disco

“You’re ridiculous,” Nat said. No reply. She sighed.

“It’s been three days,” She pointed out. Steve had been riding on her bike for those three days after the fight with Bucky, not speaking to Bucky when they camped for the night. They hadn’t seen any zombies during that time, which they all thought was strange.

“I’m aware,” Steve replied curtly, simultaneously mooning and glaring at Bucky as he searched around his bike, swearing under his breath.

“All I’m saying is maybe you could, I don’t know, try and talk to him.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he said, adjusting himself on the cracked pavement where they were sitting while Bucky tried to fix the bike.

Nat knew exactly what was wrong with the bike, not just because she was good with bikes; she knew how to disassemble them too.

What? The Bucky and Steve thing needed to get on the road, for many reasons, one: she felt awkward, two: they were slowing them down because they kept on snapping at each other, and three: she loved matchmaking.

“There’s plenty to talk about, Steve. You’ve been ogling his ass for a good five minutes,” Nat said, startling Steve as his ears turned red.

“I was not!” he sputtered.

“Were too, not that I blame you; it is nice. But still, I think if you guys just talked about what happened...”

Steve shook his head, “No. It’s not going to happen.”

Bucky kicked the wheel of his bike and let loose more colorful words, before stomping over to where Nat and Steve were sitting.

“Fine. Just make the ass-starring less obvious,” she whispered. Steve opened his mouth to say something but Bucky had already reached them, his sleeves were pushed up to his elbows and there was a grease smudge on his cheek.

Steve resisted the urge to get his thumb and rub it away.

“The bike isn’t going anywhere. I don’t know what to do,” he admitted.

“We could always take it to a town near here,” Steve piped up.

“There are no towns near here, Steve,” Bucky said.

“Actually,” Nat spoke, “there is a town, real nice, kind of a party place though, lots of clubs, used to be an old city and they have a generator for the whole place and everything. Also, the number one place for drugs; they keep inventing them. Still, they probably have the parts you need, plus a nice bed and breakfast.”

Bucky looked at her for a good long moment before breaking.

“Alright, how far is it?”

“I recognize the area, I’m thinking about two miles, we can get there at sunset if we head out now. We’ll walk our bikes there, get a room, maybe go to a club, then the next morning we head to a junk shop for parts,” she told them.

“I’m game, can we go Bucky? It makes sense,” Steve said. Nat eyed Bucky, a grin playing on her lips.

_“You’ll do whatever he asks you to, and he doesn’t even realize it.”_

Bucky glared at Steve, to remind him he was still mad, and then sighed.

“Fine. But no drugs.”

***

“My feet are going to literally fall off,” Bucky complained.

The group had been walking for hours, Bucky wheeling his bike and Nat wheeling hers, with Steve walking in between carrying both backpacks. He found them a lot easier to carry.

The sky had light up a deep purple and orange, which outlined the town just ahead of them, already lit up with colorful lights and music coming from it, far different from the Waste. Although, just like the Waste, there was a fence outlining the perimeter of the small city.

“Oh shut up, we’re almost there,” Nat told him, and they were. They had only a few more yards to go.

When they reached the front gate where the guard was Steve started getting nervous, remembering what lengths him and Bucky had to go through to get into the Waste, but the man just looked at them and opened the gate, letting them into the city and closing the gate shut behind him. Steve’s eyes widened as he drank in the city.

It was beautiful. Colorful Christmas lights were hung up around the buildings and the trees, along with assorted lanterns hung in various places, vendors were all set up, some with delicious smells coming from them, there were people walking around in groups laughing, and music coming from various clubs with dancing shadows inside.

Nat put her hand on his shoulder. He looked and saw her smiling at him.

“It’s amazing isn’t it?” she asked him. He nodded and looked over at Bucky, wanting to see his reaction to the city, briefly forgetting he was mad at him, only to find Bucky looking at him, his eyes wide and filled with... longing?

Bucky quickly looked at the ground and Steve remembered he was mad at him and shouldn’t be caring about what he thought of the city or him.

“Alright boys. Let’s rent a room for the night, on me. I know a great place and the owner owes me a favor,” Nat said and continued rolling her bike, Bucky and Steve following behind.

***

The hotel was small, but it had a cozy look. It was called “The Shelter” which Steve thought was slightly, only slightly, funny in an ironic way.

There was an older man who looked about fifty at the front desk. He smiled when he saw Nat.

“Hello Dr. Selvig,” Nat said to him, smiling. He went around the desk and pulled her in brief hug.

“It’s good to see you again, Nat. Mind if I ask whom these gentlemen are? Well,” he said eyeing Bucky, “Not him, I know who he is. Lucky for him this is the least likely place to find someone to turn him in.”

Bucky had his hackles rising when Nat spoke again.

“That’s Steve,” she pointed at Steve who looked at his feet, “and that’s Bucky.”

“I’m assuming you want some rooms? I warn you Nat, we are really booked and there is only one room left, and it only has two queen sized beds,” Selvig told her. Nat glanced back at Steve and Bucky, who were standing as far away from each other as they could.

“We’ll take it,” she said.

“What?” Bucky and Steve questioned at the same time. Nat glared and they both looked at the ground. Selvig raised an eyebrow in question, but didn’t say anything, and handed Nat the keys to the room.

“Quill!” he called suddenly, making Steve jump. Then a boy about his age came running down the stairs and stopping in front of Selvig, his light brown hairs sticking up at odd angles and a wry grin on his face. Steve would admit he was cute.

 _Not as cute as Bucky though..._ the thought rushed into his mind. He quickly shook it away.

“Yes?” the boy said.

“Could you show Nat and her friends up to the open room, maybe show them around the town if they want?”

The boy looked at Nat and wiggled his eyebrows. Nat sighed.

“It would be a pleasure,” the boy said.

The boy led the trio up the stairs and to a door, which didn’t even have a number on it and Nat unlocked it with the keys.

“So, what’s your name?” Steve asked the boy.

“Peter. Peter Quill. Although, on the streets they call me Star Lord, because I am a master of the stars,” he said, spreading his arms.

“I bet my left ass cheek that not a single human being has ever actually called you ‘Star Lord’ in your whole life,” Bucky scoffed.

“Yes they do. My mom did,” Peter shot back.

“I bet she does,” Bucky muttered under his breath and stepped inside the room, Steve and Peter following.

It wasn’t a bad room, granted, there wasn’t much, just the two queen beds with mismatched sheets and a small dresser between them with a dingy lamp on it. There was also a sliding glass door that led to a small balcony.

“Welcome to the seventh best hotel in North America,” Peter said. Nat plopped her stuff on one of the beds. Steve knew no one would be sharing a bed with her. He looked at Bucky and saw he got the message too. The boys looked at the empty bed.

“Just to have you guys know, the floor got some kind of rot a little while back, of course with the help of Dr. Selvig’s science shit, we got rid of it, but it still smells like a dog died on it in someone’s gym locker... so you might want to sleep in a bed,” Peter informed them. Steve and Bucky still eyed the bed, not making a single movement. Nat got up.

“I think we should all go out, maybe to one of the clubs. We deserve to unwind a little bit, and Peter can show us one of the good ones,” Nat said. She elbowed Peter.

“Ow! Of course I’ll show you guys to a club! The best one in the city is just two blocks from here, and I’m sure the doctor will spot us some cash to get in. Of course,” Peter looked up and down at Bucky and Steve, “You guys will need to change; you can’t just show up at a club like that.”

Steve looked down at himself and saw what Peter meant; his unfitted shirt was covered in dirt and dried blood, both black and red. Same with his pants. He looked at Bucky who didn’t look any better than he did, aside from the piece of cloth tied around his right hand from the cut. Steve looked back down at his feet, not wanting to think about that night. How when he and Bucky got back to camp he ripped off the end of one of Nat’s blankets. How he got a water bottle and poured it on Bucky’s hand to clean away the blood. How he gently wrapped the piece of blanket around his hand, which was trembling. How as soon as he was done Bucky stalked off and grabbed his knife next to his broken stick. How that night he dreamed about Peggy catching on fire and burning away into a zombie.

Steve didn’t want to think about any of that.

“It’s not like we have any spare clothes,” Bucky stated. Peter laughed.

“Leave that to me. Male showers are down the hall and to the left, female on the right. Soap and shampoo are provided along with towels, which you will find in the bathroom. Nat, do I need to get you clothes as well?”

Nat shook her head.

“Nah, I think I got something,” she told him.

“Alright, great! When you guys are out of the shower your clothes will be here. Just change into them and meet me downstairs and we can go out!” Peter rubbed his hands together and walked out the door. Steve turned to Nat and Bucky.

“I like him,” he stated.

“He’s a good guy,” Nat added. Then picked up her backpack and walked out the door.

***

Steve made sure to shower as quickly as possible, not wanting to run into Bucky from him getting out of the shower, because he knew what his reaction would be, even though he longed to linger in the first warm shower he had since the Second Hit.

Even though he was quick, when he got back to the room he saw two stacks of clothes on the bed Nat hadn’t claimed. One stack had a piece of paper with “Steve” written on it and the other had “Bucky” written on it. There was no sign of Nat or Peter and Steve figured Bucky wouldn’t be out of the shower yet, so he grabbed the black jeans from his pile and the spare boxers and pulled them on.

Bucky walked through the door just as Steve pulled the fly up on the pants.

“Ummm, sorry for walking in... on... um... you.” Bucky stuttered out, looking anywhere but at Steve. Both boys blushing so much even their ears were red. Steve quickly pulled on the shirt from his stack, a “Green Day” t-shirt, which Steve thought was funny because he had loved that band before the apocalypse.

“It’s fine. I’ll just... erm... leave you to change,” Steve squeaked out, grabbing the shoes and socks also from the pile and rushing past Bucky and out the door, slamming it behind him.

“Where are you rushing off too?” Nat said, her back against the wall in the hallway, her hair damp, but wearing a dark blue cocktail dress and holding a pair of black flats. She looked amazing, but Steve was still thinking about his run-in with Bucky.

“I’m not rushing off anywhere,” Steve said defensively.

“Good, because we have to do something about your hair,” she said, grabbing his arm and dragging him down the hall.

“Wait, what’s wrong with my hair?”

“Your cowlick is adorable, trust me, but it’s not right for a club.”

She stopped and knocked on one of the doors, which Peter opened, now dressed in red skinny jeans and a black button-down. He saw it was them and smiled.

“I knew I picked the right clothes for you, Steve. Your hair is awful though. Come on in guys. Where’s the runaway?” Peter said as Nat led Steve into the room, which looked like the one they were staying in only with one bed, clothes everywhere, and a ton of space themed posters and shit like that.

“I’m getting him next, although his hair isn’t as bad as this one’s. Start on it while I get Bucky,” she said and walked back out the door. Peter grinned at him.

“Alright Stevie. Let’s get started.”

***

 **Time:** _7:23pm_ **Place:** _Montreal, Canada_

“What do you mean you won’t let me go after her!?” Clint shouted at Howard, who was standing calmly in front of the boy.

“We already lost Bruce and my s- Tony. I can’t have you gone as well. Besides, Nat’s very strong and smart. She’ll be fine,” he said.

“That’s not the point! She just left! Without telling me or Sam!”

“I’m sure she has her reasons.”

“What reason is that? Oh yeah, I’m pretty much deaf without my hearing aids! Maybe that’s why!” Clint shouted, pacing around the room.

“I’m sure that’s not it.”

“But it makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“Natasha is not judgmental like that and you know it.”

Clint sighed and put his head in his hands.

“I know she’s not. I just thought we were close enough that she wouldn’t just run off like that, you know?”

“Maybe that’s why she didn’t tell you. Because she cares.”

“I just hope she’s okay,” Clint mumbled into his hands.

“I hope so too,” Howard agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boring chapter, it was going to be more, but it was getting to long. (I'm really excited about the next one though.)  
> So I saw "Guardians of the Galaxy" and I HAD to add Peter Quill in it at the very least, so now I feel bad for naming that other guy Peter from earlier, but it'll work.  
> Thank you all for reading, commenting, bookmarking, subscribing, and giving kudos! Really means a lot <3  
> If you want to find me to ask questions or just want another blog to follow you can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com


	11. Trade Mistakes (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, let’s put it this way, it’s fairly obvious you two have the hots for each other and to afraid to admit it-” Nat started, before being interrupted by Steve.
> 
> “We don’t have feelings for each other! He’s an asshole!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Trade Mistakes by Panic! at the disco

“Okay, you can look... now,” Peter said, uncovering Steve’s eyes, seeing his eyes reflected back at him... something was weird, looking at himself with this hair, it looked nice and was no longer hanging in his eyes, but that didn’t make the experience any less odd.

“Soooooo? Wadda ya think?” Peter pushed. Steve shook his head out of shock.

“It looks great,” Steve told him. He wasn’t lying either; his hair was now more cut in the back and slightly, just slightly, longer in the front, and just for the night Peter had gelled Steve’s hair a tiny bit and made it stick up a bit.

It just felt different.

“Alrighty then. Come on, let’s get out of this dumb bathroom and see if Nat finished with your friend,” Peter got up and Steve followed him back into the hallway.

“He’s not my friend,” Steve hissed under his breath.

“Boyfriend?” Peter questioned.

“No.”

Peter raised his hands in surrender, “Hey that’s chill man, just asking.”

They were back at Peter’s door and Peter opened it.

“Don’t you know how to knock?” Nat yelled at him, throwing a pillow at Peter’s face.

“It’s my room!” Peter shouted back, looking perplexed. Nat sighed and flopped back on the bed.

“Fine, he’s done anyway,” Nat muttered, that was when Steve looked and saw Bucky-

 _Oh shit,_ Steve thought, looking at Bucky as though he was seeing an alien, and an attractive one at that.

Bucky was standing by Peter’s bed looking slightly uncomfortable wearing black jeans like Steve except with holes in the knees, black Converse, a white button down shirt (which was slightly tight), with his leather jacket thrown over it.

His hair was also no longer shoulder length but now around his ears and it looked like it had been messed up in an artful way, like he just climbed out of bed.

Nat looked at Steve and gave him a satisfied smile.

“This is good. Now you no longer look like a cross between a hobo and and a failed punk rocker,” Peter said to Bucky.

“Technically I am a hobo. I have no house,” Bucky sneered.

“Now now, don’t try and dampen my mood. Let’s go!” Peter cheered and went out of the room, everyone else following, Steve making sure not to get near Bucky, even though his eyes were drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

“You guys have fun! Be back by eleven!” Dr. Selvig called to them when they past his desk and were back out on the open street, which had even more people than before.

“This way. It’s just a block from here,” Peter told the group, leading them through the crowd of people.

“What are we exactly supposed to do at a club, Nat?” Steve asked her. She looked at him funny.

“Have you never been to a club before, Steve?”

“Ummmmmmmm...” was his only reply. She sighed and sped up to walk next to Peter. Steve looked behind him, seeing Bucky just a little bit behind him. He looked back forward and saw Nat and Peter talking in whispered tones.

 _I wonder what they’re talking about?_ Steve wondered.

***

“I need something, Quill,” Nat suddenly appeared by Peter. He smiled at her.

“You’re going to have to be a little more specific,” he said.

“I heard of this drug this place has called ‘Cupid’s Arrow.’ Ever hear of it?” she continued.

“I have. Why do you want it?”

“I need to know what it does first.”

“It’s kinda like a... love drug I guess you’d call it. It just makes you more in tune with love, I suppose. Makes your mind more fuzzy around someone, a person you have a strong, loving connection too, not like a random stranger. So it’s not like you could roofie someone with it, they would still be completely aware what was going on and kick you in the face. I mean, chocolate releases the same chemicals in your brain as love does, so it’s like that, only stronger. And it doesn’t release sexual feelings, more romantic and platonic feelings. So if someone drank some around their best friend they would be more friendly, act kinda drunk, and be really honest, the stuff makes it hard to control your mouth. Same with romantic, except more of the urge to kiss, and if the person returns the feeling, lots of kissing I assume. Only teenagers use it that often though, because it’s legal for them because it’s not really that dangerous. Also it’s kind of a bust, only works for an hour or two then you pass out.”

Nat looked back at Steve and Bucky, she looked at Peter.

“I’m going to need two bottles of that stuff. Where can I get it?” she asked them, a plan in her brain.

“They have it at the club,” Peter answered. He looked back at the other two boys and back at Nat.

“Is it for them?” he whispered.

“You’ll see.”

***

“This is... pretty cool.” Steve said after Peter handed the money to the bouncer and the group entered the club, which had flashing lights, a DJ, people dancing everywhere, and various tables spread out near a small bar.

Peter clapped him on the shoulder, making him stumble slightly.

“You’re damn right it’s cool. Also cost me an arm and a leg. Let’s head over and claim a table.”

They found a table in the corner of the club, Steve sitting between Peter and Nat, with Bucky across from him. Nat looked at them and got up suddenly and walked over to the bar.

“What’s she doing?” Steve asked Peter, who only shrugged.

Nat came back holding two shot glasses, each filled with some pink, bubbling drink and set one cup in front of Steve and one in front of Bucky.

“What’s this?” Bucky asked, eyeing it.

“Around here it’s called a shitty name, Cupid’s Arrow. Call it something like a love potion,” Nat explained, crossing her arms.

“Why would either of us drink a love potion?” Bucky questioned.

“Okay, let’s put it this way, it’s fairly obvious you two have the hots for each other and to afraid to admit it-” Nat started, before being interrupted by Steve.

“We don’t have feelings for each other! He’s an asshole!”

“-So I purpose a test. This drink is supposed to make you kinda gravitate to the person you like, and it also makes you more honest. You don’t have to drink it. But let me put it this way, if you both want to prove to me and Quill over there you don’t have feelings for each other, then you have nothing to be afraid of about drinking it and you’ll just be a happy, loveable person for a few hours and we’ll help you home. If you don’t drink it... maybe it shows you have something to hide,” Nat challenged.

Bucky looked up at Steve and looked back at the drink.

 _You don’t have feelings for him, Barnes. You can do this,_ Bucky thought to himself, though he felt the slight pang of a lie run through him. He shook it off and grabbed the shot glass and drank. It felt cool and bubbly and tasted like strawberries and slid easily down his throat.

He looked at Steve, who glared at him, before drinking the thing himself. Bucky ignored the hurt feeling at the realization Steve didn’t feel anything for him.

“You see? Not that hard. Now let’s go dancing before you guys start making out or something,” Nat said and went over to the dance floor, quickly joining in, the boys following behind her.

***

“How long does it take for it to affect them?” Nat shouted at Peter over the thumping music, sweat from dancing making her hair stick to the back of her neck.

“It should be starting sometime now, it’s been half an hour! Oh I love this song!” Peter shouted back, thumping his fists in the air as some song from the eighties began to play. Nat kept on dancing, knowing Steve and Bucky were right next to her.

***

“Ugh! Not this song!” Bucky grumbled, as an eighties song began to play. Steve looked over at him, sweat beaded on his forehead, his hair ruffled and messy...

Why was he thinking about this?

“Do you want to go sit down?” Steve asked him, raising his voice above the music.

_Say no. Say no. Say no._

“Sure,” the words fell easily from Bucky’s mouth.

_God damn it._

They peeled themselves from the crowd and went back to their table, Steve breathing heavily from the dancing.

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked him. He could hear the concern layered in his voice.

_Why can I not control my fucking mouth?_

“Nah. I’m fine. I just sometimes have trouble breathing, that’s all,” Steve replied.

“You never told me you had troubles with that,” Bucky said, shocked.

Steve shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not like you asked. Besides, I didn’t want you to think I was weak or anything.”

“Why would I think you were weak?” Bucky asked. His vision was slightly fuzzy around the edges. His heart was pounding hard in his chest.

“Because that’s what everyone thinks,” Steve told him.

“I’m not everyone.”

Steve looked at him, his blue eyes searching his face. He got a goofy smile on his face.

“No. You’re not. But that’s good,” he finally said. Bucky felt butterflies in his stomach. He felt so happy, it wasn’t a lot, what Steve said, but it made him happy. So happy he wanted to kiss him.

_Why am I thinking this? Why would this suddenly start popping up again? Why is Steve telling me all of this? He said earlier I was an asshole, so why would he suddenly be so nice and..._

It suddenly came to Bucky.

“Jesus Christ,” he said. Steve raised an eyebrow.

“What?” he asked.

Bucky started laughing, not very hard, just a soft laugh. It was hilarious. He leaned across the table and whispered, “We’re acting like this because of that dumb drug Nat gave us.”

Then Steve was laughing too.

“So wait? That’s why I’m telling you all this? Because of that drink?” Steve laughed. Bucky nodded, still laughing. He couldn’t stop. He never thought someone could make him feel this way, so light.

“The thing is, this isn’t the first time I felt like this!” Steve said, his laughter dying down.

“You felt this way around Peggy, right?” Bucky asked, feeling slightly, only slightly, jealous. Not enough to spoil his mood though.

“Yeah, I felt this with Peggy. But I also felt it around you too,” Steve told him, the laughter gone, but replaced with a different tone.

“I felt this before too,” Bucky said.

“When did you feel it?” Steve asked him.

“When you had to grab my waist on that motorcycle. When you made me laugh in that dumb car. When you... I don’t know. Just... you in general make me feel this way,” Bucky confessed. The urge to kiss Steve was so strong.

Steve’s pupils dilated.

“So... we both feel the same way about each other?” Steve asked him.

“I guess so,” Bucky replied.

“Then why did you suddenly give me the cold shoulder?”

“It was... in that town. What Peter, the other Peter, said to me... I realized that I’m dangerous. A ticking time bomb waiting to go off. A monster. I just... I don’t want you near that. You’re so kind, and good, and everything I wish I was. But I’m not, and I... I...” he felt wet hot tears spill down his cheeks and he couldn’t go on. Steve got up and sat on the chair next to him, taking Bucky’s face in his hands, wiping his tears away.

“You’re not a monster. Even if you were I wouldn’t care. I am not an angel; I’ve done horrible things. Everyone has. It’s part of life,” Steve spoke gently.

“You don’t know what I’ve done,” Bucky whispered.

“Tell me later. Tell me when you’re comfortable. Please understand that I want to be close to you, and honesty is part of that,” Steve told him.

Bucky sniffled. “Can I just not tell you now? Later?”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand.

“Of course you can,” Then he kissed him, his lips warm and soft.

Bucky felt his heart open, a pain in his chest lifted as he kissed Steve back, running his fingers through his hair.

“I love your haircut, by the way,” he whispered against Steve’s lips.

“I like yours too. It lets me see your handsome face,” Steve whispered back, kissing him again.

“I so fucking called it!” Nat’s voice pierced through. Bucky and Steve stopped kissing and saw Nat and Peter making their way towards them.

“Sorry to spoil your moment, but we gotta go before Selvig flips out,” Peter said. Bucky didn’t mind. Okay, maybe a little bit considering they both interrupted the moment.

Steve stood up and hugged Nat.

“You’re such a good friend, even if I barely know you,” he said, his words slightly slurred.

“Yeah yeah yeah. It’s nice to know that shit works. Now come on!” Nat said, pushing him back towards Bucky.

***

They left the club and walked back to the hotel, Steve and Bucky holding hands all the way back. They crawled into the bed at the hotel still in their clothes, too tired to change.

“It’s probably a side effect from the drug, being this tired I mean?” Steve mumbled, his hands playing with Bucky’s hair as he faced him on the bed, Bucky’s arms wrapped around his waist.

“Most likely,” Bucky replied sleepily. Steve noticed how good Bucky smelled, like lemons and night air. It all felt so right, feeling his warmth, having his arms around him. He felt safe.

“Are you going to pretend this never happened tomorrow?” Steve asked him. Bucky shook his head.

“Never.”

“Is that the drug talking?”

“Only a tiny bit. But I mean it.”

“You promise?”

“Of course,” Bucky said, kissing him lightly on the lips.

“Okay. Goodnight then.”

“Goodnight, punk.”

“Will you two just go to sleep already!?” Nat shouted, throwing a pillow at them.

“Goodnight Nat!” they both told her, and soon they fell asleep, entangled in each others’ arms.

***

 **Time:** _11:57pm_ **Place:** _Unknown_

“If we wish to complete our plan we need that boy!” Doctor Zola shouted at the guards.

“If I may ask, sir, why do we need him?” one of the guards questioned.

“Because he is the greatest weapon we have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY  
> FINALLY  
> FINALLYYYYYYYYY  
> So yes, kissing. This chapter is slightly longer then the others, but whatever. I freaking love it, even though I have never kissed someone so I am relying on YA novels for describing the feeling. Might take longer for another chapter, mostly because my cousins are coming so I won't be able to write as much on here.  
> Thank you all for reading, commenting, bookmarking, subscribing, and giving kudos! I really like it when you guys do that.  
> If you want to ask me about the fic, have any ideas, or just want another blog to follow you can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com and I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter (I know I did)


	12. Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you going to tell me last night was a mistake?” Steve asked him.
> 
> “Do you think it was a mistake?” Bucky replied, his voice quiet.
> 
> “No.”
> 
> “It’s good to know we’re on the same page.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Arms by Christina Perri

Bucky woke up and Steve was gone.

 

He sat up quickly, rattling the bed post.

 

“Jesus Christ! Your boyfriend is in the shower!” Nat shouted at him, pulling on a pair of combat boots.

 

“Soooo, it happened last night? It wasn’t all a dream?” Bucky asked, remembering his arms around Steve, the kiss, the club.

 

“More like a nightmare, damn you hopeless romantics, but yes, it happened. All thanks to _moi_ might I add,” she replied. He just sat there holding his covers.

 

“How about you change too? We have to head over to the parking garage,” Nat said, not wanting to admit to her crime against the bike, plus the fact she lost a few of the parts anyway.

 

She never lost anything and that disturbed her. She wanted to leave the town as fast as she could and get back to Howard. Bring Bucky to him as well.

 

“Shit. I completely forgot about that,” Bucky muttered, clambering out of bed and finding another pair of fresh clothes by the doorway, with another one next to it. One said ‘Bucky’ and the other said ‘Steve’.

 

“Where does Peter get all this?” Bucky said aloud.

 

“I’m assuming he steals it. Kid’s a master thief. He only takes stuff from richer people though. Kind of a Robin Hood,” Nat told him.

 

Bucky didn’t think about it for long and grabbed the clothes.

 

“Do you care if I change in here?” he asked Nat, who shrugged her shoulders.

 

“I don’t think either of our dignities can get lower after what I heard last night.”

 

Bucky blushed furiously, “It’s not like we were having sex.”

 

“It was still absolutely tooth rotting.”

 

Bucky gave up and started to undress.

 

***

 

The group was standing in the downstairs lobby, Steve’s hair still wet from the shower and everyone wearing jeans and t-shirts, Bucky with his leather jacket slung over his, bags at their feet.

 

“It was nice having you guys come, I hope you all had fun last night,” Selvig told them all, eyeing Steve and Bucky who both blushed and looked at their toes.

 

“Your bikes are still outside, Peter can show you to the junk shop and lead you all outside of the city then come back here,” Selvig continued. Peter nodded next to him.

 

“Thank you for everything,” Steve told him, being polite.

 

“It was no problem. You are all welcome back here anytime,” Selvig told him. Bucky, Steve, and Peter walked out the door. Selvig grabbed Nat by her arm and whispered to her.

 

“Why exactly do you have James Barnes with you?”

 

“Maybe I want some man candy around.”

 

Selvig snorted, “Fine. Don’t tell me. Just be careful Nat. You don’t know what they could have done to him in the HYDRA facility.”

 

Nat sighed. “Anything else you need to warn me about?” she asked sarcastically.

 

“Actually yes,” he said, “There is a HYDRA agent running around, killing people off, kids that don’t comply, ex-government agencies, the works, anyone who is against HYDRA. He hasn’t showed up for a while, but be on the look out.”

 

“Is there a name for this agent?” Nat asked.

 

“People call him ‘The Winter Soldier’ and he is very dangerous. Especially with knives and sniper rifles,” he told her, his voice filled with concern.

 

“I’ll be careful.”

 

“You’re always careful, Nat.”

 

***

 

Bucky was walking his bike while Nat was walking hers, Peter was in the lead of the group babbling, and Steve was unsure what to really do with himself. He still hadn’t talked to Bucky yet, even though he knew he should.

 

When he had woken up that morning, wrapped in Bucky’s arms he almost cried tears of joy knowing it wasn’t all a dream. He hadn’t wanted to get up, but at the same time he felt really gross in the clothes from yesterday so he pried himself away and went into the shower with the fresh clothes Peter had laid out. There he had plenty of time to worry about what Bucky’s reaction would be to last night, like wondering if he would withdraw from him again.

 

He also thought about Peggy. He felt very sad last night about her, probably from the drug, and he missed her so much, but it wasn’t as painful either, because of Bucky. He hadn’t dreamed last night either, maybe it was the drug, maybe it was Bucky, all he knew was that it was peaceful.

 

Steve did feel slightly guilty, he felt like he betrayed Peggy somehow, even though she had told him to move on after her. He was also wondering about what “horrible things” Bucky could have done. He realized he was a HYDRA escapee,  but that didn’t make him a bad person. He wanted to ask, he wanted to help.

 

He didn’t want Bucky to withdraw again. He didn’t want to be alone.

 

After he had gotten out of the shower he still didn’t have time to talk to Bucky in the whirlwind of chaos to leave.

 

Now... Bucky didn’t look closed off like he did before, he did look nervous though.

 

 _Come on Steve, just talk to him_.

 

He took a deep breath and walked over to walk beside Bucky.

 

“Is this the bit where you tell me last night was a mistake and you turn back into a douche lord while I write angsty poetry about your eyes?” Steve started, feeling dumb. Not the world’s best conversation starter.

 

“You wrote poetry about my eyes?” Bucky asked, a small smile on his face. Steve held in a sigh of relief.

 

“Absolutely, entire pages about them,” Steve played along.

 

“What did some of these pages say?”

 

“He has eyes like the stars/ they shine like the moon/ even when they have purple bags under them/ they are still the light in the darkness of the world,” Steve came up with the words off the top of his head. Though in a less sappy way this was kind of true. Bucky’s eyes were sometimes ringed red and had shadows under them, but that didn’t seem to matter to Steve.

 

Maybe Bucky sensed that Steve wanted to talk more seriously and his smile faded.

 

“Are you going to tell me last night was a mistake?” Steve asked him.

 

“Do you think it was a mistake?” Bucky replied, his voice quiet.

 

“No.”

 

“It’s good to know we’re on the same page.”

 

Silence.

 

“You’re not going to turn me into HYDRA?” Bucky questioned. Steve heard something in his voice. Fear. He wondered what could make Bucky Barnes afraid, to have his voice shake like that.

 

It made him so angry. He wanted to find the person responsible for doing that to him, he wanted them to burn in the pits of Hell, he wanted them to be punished for what they did. It also made him sad that Bucky would think he would try to turn him in.

 

“Of course not,” Steve said.

 

“Even when you were mad at me?”

 

“The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.”

 

Another pause.

 

“Do you still miss her? Peggy I mean?” Bucky asked.

 

“Everyday, like a stab in the chest. I still have nightmares about it.”

 

“What else do you have nightmares about?”

 

“You. You being hurt, really.”

 

“Really?” Bucky said, shocked.

 

“Yes, really.”

 

They walked along quietly, Peter’s words a dull white noise.

 

“Can I hold your hand? I mean, that’s what couples do right?” Bucky said.

 

“Of course you can hold my hand,” Steve said.

 

Bucky’s fingers laced through his and Steve’s heart beat faster in his chest. Bucky’s hand was warm, a contrast to the cool air around them.

 

“There you go,” Steve whispered.

 

“I’ve never held hands with someone before, not like this, anyway,” Bucky whispered back, blush spreading across his cheeks.

 

“You had to have held hands with someone,” Steve insisted.

 

“Not that I can remember.”

 

Steve wondered exactly what he meant by that, but looked on how sad Bucky looked and decided not to ask about it. He just squeezed his hand in reassurance. Bucky gave him a small smile and they continued walking in a comfortable silence.

 

They all reached the chop shop which just looked like a pile of junk to Steve, but he and Bucky went off to look for whatever parts were needed anyway, leaving the bike with Nat and Peter.

 

***

 

“It’s been an hour. There is no way they are going to be able to find the parts they need,” Nat sighed, hiding her anxiousness. Something was off about this place, she could feel it in her gut. Her gut was never wrong.

 

Peter seemed oblivious to it, and was actually smiling.

 

“Maybe you could find the parts. I can watch the bikes,” Peter told her. She snorted.

 

“I know better then to leave my bike with a thief.”

 

“Takes one to know one,” Peter retaliated.

 

“I am not a thief.”

 

“Are you sure? Because this,” Peter reached into his coat and pulled out the parts Nat had ripped out, “says something different.”

 

Nat realized she should have been mad at him for stealing that stuff, that he should probably yell at him for taking it, but she was actually impressed. Not a lot of people could rob her without her noticing.

 

Plus her sense that something was wrong was growing stronger.

 

She gave him a sly smile and grabbed the parts from his hands.

 

“Don’t tell them,” she whispered. He nodded.

 

“Hey guys! Peter found the parts!” Nat shouted at the boys, who were just breaking apart from a kiss.

 

 _Yuck,_ she thought.

 

***

 

“I can’t find a god damn thing, especially with this fog,” Bucky grumbled, picking up pieces of parts and throwing them back down.

 

“Maybe if you actually tell me what we’re looking for I could help,” Steve told him, knowing absolutely nothing about motorbikes. He put his arms around himself, the cold fog seeping into his bones.

 

Bucky stood up and looked at Steve shivering and immediately took his leather jacket off and put it around Steve’s shoulders.

 

“Bucky, you don’t have to do that.” Steve said, trying to push the jacket off.

 

“Yes I do. You’re cold and you don’t have a jacket. I happen to have a jacket and am not cold,” Bucky said.

 

“You aren’t cold because you have a jacket,” Steve retaliated.

 

“Come on Steve, just take the dumb jacket.”

 

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Steve sighed.

 

Bucky didn’t say anything which was answer enough. Steve gave up and shrugged on the jacket, instantly feeling warmer.

 

“Well? How do I look?” Steve said. Bucky smiled.

 

“You look like a punk,” Bucky laughed.

 

“If anyone’s punk it’s you.”

 

Steve realised how close he and Bucky were standing, almost nose to nose. His eyes were drawn down to Bucky’s pink lips. He looked back up into Bucky’s eyes, which were glancing down at Steve’s lips.

 

Steve stood up on his toes and put his lips on Bucky’s. Bucky let out a startled noise before kissing him back, soft and gently. Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s soft hair and Bucky put his arms around Steve’s waist.

 

Bucky pulled back and put his forehead to Steve’s.

 

“We’re supposed to be looking for parts,” Bucky whispered.

 

“I think this is better, just on a personal note,” Steve whispered back, kissing Bucky again.

 

Steve groaned as Bucky bit his bottom lip.

 

“Hey guys! Peter found the parts!” Nat’s voice shouted. Steve and Bucky, reluctently, pulled apart.

 

“Maybe we can... continue later?” Bucky said. Steve burst out in a laugh.

 

“Of course, Buck. Of course.”

 

Bucky heard a noise. He looked behind him and didn’t see anything. He grabbed Steve’s hand and walked back to Nat and Peter.

 

***

 

 **Time:** _Unknown_ **Place:** _Unknown_

 

“The scout just came back, sir. We have a location on James Barnes,” the soldier told the man.

 

“Good. Prepare my car. We leave at dawn,” the man said, his strong German accent lacing through his words.

 

“But... sir are you sure it is a good idea to reveal yourself to the public?”

 

“Did I stutter, soldier?”

 

“No, sir.”

 

“Then ready the car. I want to get Mr. Barnes back in my custody before sunset tomorrow.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update, but at least now Bucky and Steve are in an established relationship!  
> You can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com


	13. Born to Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not going to leave you alone Buck.” he said completely serious, his eyes meeting Bucky’s. It made Bucky’s breath hitch in his throat.
> 
> “I know you wouldn’t.” Bucky whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Born to Die by Lana Del Rey

It felt right being back on Bucky’s bike, even if he was still slightly afraid of the thing. But it was also better than before. Before Steve was always worrying about Bucky’s reactions, if he was getting to close, if he was making it awkward, etc.

He still kind of worried about those things, but not with riding the bike.

After Bucky had fixed the bike, Peter had showed the group to the gate leading outside of town. What Steve found odd was the fact that there were several fresh zombie bodies piled up in front of the fence, bits of their heads sprayed everywhere. The guy at the gate looked exhausted when he let them out.

“Hey Tom. What’s with all the zombs?” Peter asked the gate guy.

The gate guy, Tom, shook his head.

“I don’t know. They started coming ‘round seven this morning, broad daylight. Usually these ones are more clever than that, but they still came. Could be some kind of zomb rabies?”

“Aren’t zombies pretty much the product of rabies anyway?” Peter said.

“Could be an extreme rabies.” Tom said.

After that everyone said goodbye to Peter and thanked him for everything and hopped on their bikes and road out, Steve feeling nauseated by the stench from the zombies and once again burying his face into Bucky’s back. He realized it didn’t feel as cold on the bike and he wondered why. Then he remembered he was still wearing Bucky’s leather jacket. Steve smiled against Bucky’s shirt as they drove away from the town.

***

Peter walked back towards home, whistling some dumb song from the eighty’s, kicking a rock down the garbage filled streets when he heard a noise behind him. He turned around and saw a guy wearing a long dark coat with the hood pulled up just kind of standing there.

“Anything I can help you with?” Peter asked, getting a bad feeling off the guy. He didn’t like how he couldn’t see his face.

“Actually there is,” the man said, his voice heavy with a German accent, “I’m looking for a boy named James Barnes. Perhaps you know him?”

Peter’s heart sped up with fear. He pushed it down and tried to seem relaxed.

“Sorry. I don’t know who you’re talking about.” Peter lied.

The man walked up to Peter, his hand in his pocket.

“Oh, I think you do.” he pulled out a syringe from his pocket and jammed it into the side of Peter’s neck. Peter fell to the ground, the world spinning around him.

“Put him in the car. He might prove to be… useful to get Mr. Barnes.” the man told someone. Peter felt hands under his arms before the world faded around him.

***

“We need more fuel.” Nat told Bucky and Steve.

Nat had just noticed how close her needle was to “E” and told Bucky to pull over so she could check his too, and sure enough it was the same deal for him.

“Are there anymore towns nearby?” Steve asked, snuggling deeper into Bucky’s jacket against the cold. He had tried to give it back to Bucky several times, and each time he refused.

“There… kind of is.” Nat said.

“What do you mean ‘kind of?” Bucky questioned.

“It’s not really a town. It’s a colony.” Nat told them. Steve remembered his conversation with Bucky that seemed like it was years ago, with him telling Steve what the colonies did.

Bucky shrugged.

“I look old enough to pass for nineteen.” he said.

“No.” Steve told him. Not because the fact Bucky was wrong, because he wasn’t, but because Steve did not want to risk Bucky getting caught in the colony.

Bucky looked at him.

“What do you mean no?” Bucky asked, as if it hadn’t occurred to him that Steve would care.

_Because I don’t want you to get caught. Because you have kinda become my boyfriend. Because I don’t want HYDRA to have you again. Because I’ve already lost people in my life and I don’t want to lose you either._

But Steve didn’t say any of that. He knew that when Bucky got like this he had to be calculating, not emotional.

“They would recognize you from the posters HYDRA has been putting up of you.” Steve said, which was actually a valid point.

“Steve is right Bucky. While I admit it would be easier to just pose as someone from the colony, you can’t do it because you’re a fugitive, I can’t do it because I look to young, and even though Steve is sprouting up like a weed, he still won’t be able to get past. So, we’re going to have to sneak in for fuel.” Nat told them. Steve looked down at himself. He had gotten more muscle and slightly taller. Bucky looked at him as well and walked up to Steve.

Steve suddenly realized he reached Bucky’s nose.

When he first met him he only reached his shoulder.

Bucky seemed to notice this too and narrowed his eyes.

“There is no way you could grow that fast…” Bucky thought out loud.

“We can discuss Steve’s… growth rate later. We need to get the damn fuel.” Nat yelled.

Steve, who was more than willing to drop the conversation (even though he was curious himself) shrugged and started walking. Nat grabbed her bike and started pushing it. Bucky sighed and started pushing his bike, exasperated how they got to this point yet again, but also wondering about what was going on with Steve.

***

“There it is.” Nat whispered to Bucky and Steve.

The group was hiding behind some bushes right in front of the fence barricading the colony. Through it Bucky could see several wooden homes and people walking around, all looking very busy.

Not a single sign of a child.

Bucky and Nat had hid the motorbikes close to the road in case they needed to escape quickly.

“I still can’t believe you are sneaking by yourself while we wait out here and watch.” Steve muttered at Nat.

“We’ve discussed this. I am stealthy, this isn’t the first time I’ve robbed a colony, and the less the merrier. Besides you’re not just watching, you guys are my backup. So keep watch, eyes and ears open. It seems like there are more people than usual. It’ll only take ten minutes.” Nat explained, then ran off towards the camp. Bucky wasn’t so fond of the plan either, but he figured  
Steve was safe so it was okay.

Steve was not sharing this thought process.

“I can help! Why can’t I go help?” Steve vented at Bucky.

“Because we’re backup.” Bucky sighed.

“Why can’t you be backup and I go help Nat?”

“Because that would be kind of an asshole thing to do.”

“How?”

“You would be leaving me here in the dark, scary woods.” Bucky replied sarcastically.

“Oh. Yeah.” Steve said. There was a pause.

“I’m not going to leave you alone Buck.” he said completely serious, his eyes meeting Bucky’s. It made Bucky’s breath hitch in his throat.

“I know you wouldn’t.” Bucky whispered.

Steve gave him a gentle peck on the lips then went back to where he was sitting before, holding Bucky’s hand.

“How many minutes has it been?” Steve asked.

“About three. I think.” Bucky said. His internal clock was all messed up thanks to Steve.

Steve squinted at the gate.

“Huh. That’s weird.”

“What is?”

“There is quite a lot of people. They… seem to be carrying something.”

Bucky saw that Steve was right. A mass of people seemed to appear out of nowhere, but it was more than that. They seemed angry as well. They were definitely shouting but neither of the boys could hear what they were saying.

“I hope it’s not Nat.” Steve whispered to Bucky.

Bucky’s eyes scanned the area, looking for any sign of Nat in the mob. He saw a dash of red hair at the far corner of the place, slipping inside the storage building. He let out a sigh of relief.

“She’s fine. Still. I wonder what’s going on.” Bucky told Steve.

“I think we’re about to find out.” Steve whispered back. The crowd had stopped in the middle of the colony, though they were still shouting. One figure made his way through the crowd, they pretty much parted like the red sea for him, clearly revealing what was in the middle of the mass.

It was two teenage boys. From where Bucky was he could tell their clothes were torn and caked with dirt, and one of the boys had a gigantic slash on his face.

The boys were holding hands.

“I want to get closer.” Steve said, crawling forwards on his hands and knees.

“Steve!” Bucky shout-whispered. Steve just kept crawling forwards. Bucky swore fluently under his breath before following Steve until they were at the very edge of the woods.

“What the hell Steve? This is the dumbest-” Bucky started before Steve shushed him. Bucky opened his mouth to say something when the man they saw pushing through the crowd earlier began to speak over the crowd.

“People of Washington Colony. Today we have gathered for an example. Today we have gathered for a message. To The One Who Has Risen Them. This colony was formed on the grounds that Humanity is being punished for committing the Sins, which has caused the Rising. Only a few days ago we have found two people committing one of the Sins that has caused the Rising in the first place. Homosexuality.” the man paused as the crowd went up in ‘boos’ and hisses. Someone even threw a tomato at the boys.

Bucky looked over at Steve and saw his face red with anger. Bucky grabbed his arms just to make sure he wouldn’t go rushing towards the fence, even though Bucky was resisting himself.

“As you all know,” the man continued once the shouts died down, “we must show The One Who Has Risen Them that we must be saved from this dying world, that we deserve to be granted into The Land of the True with Themself. We must show this by sacrificing these Sinners.” the man reached inside his coat and pulled out a long, silver, curved knife. The crowd cheered as he went towards the boys.

“Do you, Sinner, have anything to say as your final words?” he said to one of the boys. The boy remained silent. The man shrugged.

“Suit yourself. What about you?” he asked the other boy, the one with the cut on his face. The boy looked up at the man and grinned devilishly.

“Yeah, I do. Me and my little Bruce-y here shagged each other so hard in your little dungeon we almost drowned in our own cum, you homophobic douchebag.”

The man slapped him hard across the face. Steve was now fully struggling in Bucky’s arms. Bucky saw the other boy try to jump up on the man only to be pushed back to the ground by the mob, his neck exposed to the knife.

“It does not matter what you say, Sinner. I should kill you first for that comment, but I think I have a better idea.” The man spat, putting his knife to the other boy’s neck, “I’ll kill your little boyfriend right in front of you, so you can live with the pain for a full ten seconds before I cut your throat.”

“No! Bruce!” the boy with the cut screamed.

A blast went off and the man’s head blew apart in blood.

Steve broke free of Bucky’s grasp and ran towards the colony.

The people ran in various directions screaming.

A flash of red hair and Nat jumped off the roof of one of the buildings, putting a gun in the holster of her pants.

The boy with the cut on his face clutched the other boy, Bruce, in his arms rocking back and forth as Bruce gripped the other boy and sobbed in his shirt.

***

 **Time:** _Unknown_ **Place:** _The back of some van_

Peter’s head felt like a million trucks had ran over him, hell, that a million trucks ran over his body in general. The ground was moving beneath him, metal was digging into his back, his hands were roped behind him, and black spots danced in front of his eyes.

He heard people

talking

“Almost there sir.”

“We have a lock on the Soldier.”

“...Kill anyone in the way…”

“Soon Mr. Barnes…. part of HYDRA… phase four will initiate.”

So tired.

so heavy.

the world  f a d e d

f    r    o    m

h     i      m

o     n    c    e

m        o       r        e.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a while, really sorry had family visiting.  
> Okay, so I am swamped with my summer honors work, plus school starts soon, and my beta reader can't really get on the internet right now. So I am going to post one more chapter of this and then probably go on a tiny hiatus (It won't be that long, I promise)  
> So anyway, thank you all for reading, commenting, kudo-ing, bookmarking, and subscribing. As always you can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com and hopefully the new chapter will be up soon :)


	14. Bleeding Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We need a replacement.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Bleeding Out by Imagine Dragons

Steve ran through the crowd of people, pushing and shoving with his elbows. He didn’t care if he hurt them. These people were horrible. Horrible to treat others like this. These boys could have easily been him and Bucky.

The people were mostly gone when he skidded to a stop.

“Bucky.” he whispered to himself. He left him behind… he forgot him… what if HYDRA came for him… or he….

“Don’t leave me behind like that again, punk.” Bucky’s voice came from behind him. Steve turned around and sighed with relief to see Bucky making his way towards him. The crowd had completely dispersed by that point, so it was easy for Bucky to reach Steve.

“Where’s Nat?” Bucky asked Steve once he reached him.

“I don’t know! What about those boys?” Steve replied, looking around and finding the boys still in the same position a few yards away.

“Maybe they’ve seen her.” Bucky said, gesturing at them. Steve shook his head.

“I highly doubt it. Plus we should leave them alone, they have just went through a… traumatic experience.” Steve told him. Bucky rubbed the back of his neck.

“So? What do we do then?” Bucky asked.

“We… wait for Nat to show back up and watch these guys. From a distance.” Steve said, thinking it was the most logical solution. Bucky slowly nodded his head.

“Alright then.”

“Okay.”

They stood there looking at each other. Neither of them really didn’t know what to do or say. Steve started bouncing on the balls of his feet, glancing back at the boys, then back at Bucky, then glancing around for Nat, then looking back at Bucky.

“Maybe… I should tell you a little bit… about my past. I mean… we’re not doing much else and you said you wanted to know… unless that’s like weird for you…” Bucky stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck again and looking at the ground.

Steve felt his heart turn into utter mush. He gave a kind smile and reached out, holding Bucky’s hand.

“You can tell me whatever you want to Bucky.”

Bucky gulped and gripped Steve’s hand.

“Okay. So… um… I don’t… I have trouble remembering things. Like I don’t remember a lot of my childhood, only flashes of it. A brick house, some lockers, my- my mom sometimes,” Bucky took a deep breath, “and then I also get fuzzy images of… an… operating table. A bunch of guys is white suits poking and prodding at me. B- but there is one guy that is clearer than the others. He had glasses, and he was short, also bald, definitely german. I actually get d-dreams about him sometimes and-” Bucky held back a sob, tears leaking from his eyes. He was gripping on Steve’s hand like he was a life line.

“Bucky you don’t have to tell me.” Steve said.

“No no. I have too, you… you deserve to know.” Bucky said. He took another breath before continuing.  
  
“I remember being cold. I was very, very cold. It was unbelievable how cold I was. There was… this thing as well. They would shove something in my mouth to keep from screaming and this… pain that went right through my skull and down my spine.” Bucky wiped away more tears.

“You don’t have to tell me anymore if you don’t want too.” Steve told him, his own voice felt hoarse.

“No. That’s not the worst of it. You need to know the worst. Why that night in the forest I said I did horrible things.” Bucky insisted. He continued.

“Even for this I don’t remember a lot. Except… I knew it wasn’t the first time. My mind… it was like everything was in shreds, anything I did remember was just a little piece, and even then it would flutter away from me again. Some- sometimes I’m still like that. B-but… there was this village. I was sent there, by HYDRA, to wipe out this family. I forget why, but I know they told me. I just did it, I don’t know why. But- um- there was a woman and a man. They- they begged me not too and I shot them each in the head.” Another deep breath.

“Then this girl came down the stairs. She was clutching this blanket. She started crying. She dropped her blanket in her parents blood and ran over to them. Her screams Steve… it didn’t even register to me. I just remember… someone saying ‘kill them all.’ So… so… I shot her in the head too.”

Bucky let go of Steve’s hand and put his hands to his face, crying into them.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Steve. I can understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore. I just… I killed a little girl Steve. A little, innocent girl, and I’m a horrible person for doing that and I-” Steve cut him off as he pulled him in an embrace.

“It wasn’t you Bucky. It was HYDRA. They made you do that. They tortured you, they made you lose your memories, and believe me when I say that if I ever come face to face with one of them I will rip them apart.” Steve whispered in Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky started crying again and hugged Steve back.

“I don’t deserve you.” Bucky told him.

“No one deserves anyone. So that means we all deserve each other.”

“That makes no sense.” Steve could feel Bucky smiling.

“No. But it made you smile, didn’t it.”

“You’re horrible.”

“I know.”

“You two will really be this disgusting anywhere, won’t you?” Nat’s voice interrupted. Steve and Bucky broke apart and saw her carrying a thing of gas and a backpack, with a sly grin on her face.

“You killed that guy.” Steve said.

“No, really?” Nat replied sarcastically.

“You don’t seem very affected by it.” Steve pointed out. She shrugged.

“He was an asshole. Besides I need those boys.”

“Why?”

“They’re are a lot of people who miss them, and they’ve been gone for a long time.”

“You’re going to fit them both on your bike?” Bucky asked.

“It can be managed.”

No one argued with her. No one asked for specifics because Nat was a person who didn’t give specifics. Besides, neither Bucky or Steve were ready to leave two people alone in the woods.

“Fine. Let’s get moving.” Bucky sighed. Nat nodded and then the group walked over too the two boys, who seemed to be in a better state.

“Bruce. Tony. I see you were in some trouble.” Nat said to the boys and they looked up at her. The boy with the cut on his face smiled.

“I should have known you would be our knight in shining armor.” he said. She sighed along with the other boy.

“Tony shut up. Okay, so I realize you have both been through a traumatic experience, but we need to get moving. Now.” Nat told them. They both pulled each other up. Tony looked at Steve and Bucky.

“Who are these guys?” he asked Nat.

“Friends. You can trust them. Now come on. We have food back at the bikes.” Nat said, quickly walking back the way they came, Tony, Bruce, Bucky, and Steve all following close behind.

***

The group didn’t really talk much on the way back to the bikes, which Nat, Steve, and Bucky had all hidden in the dead foliage away from the road.

They were almost there when Nat stopped dead in her tracks.

“Something’s wrong.” she told them.

“What exactly?” Bucky asked. She shook her head.

“I don’t know. My gut tells me something is wrong. I’ve learned to trust my gut.”

“But we need to get to the bikes. Bruce and Tony look like they’re going to pass out.” Steve said. Bruce and Tony have been leaning on each other for support for the entire walk.

“He’s not wrong.” Bruce rasped.

“So what do we do?” Steve asked Nat.

“How about everyone hangs back while I go get the stuff?” Bucky suggested.

“Bucky…” Steve started when Nat interrupted.

“That’s a good idea Bucky. But we’re not going to hang too far back. The best course of action is for you to still be in our sight, in case you need backup. The bikes are really close, so we’ll hide behind that rock,” Nat pointed to a large rock jutting out of the ground, and you can get the bikes, which are just ahead of it. Okay?”

“Fine.” Bucky said, and kept walking forward, while everyone else ducked behind the rock, Bruce and Tony practically collapsing to the ground, while Steve and Nat peeked out from behind it, crouched and ready to attack.

Bucky walked into Steve’s line of sight and started moving towards the bikes.

That was when it all went to hell.

People emerged from the dead trees, all in cameo, holding weapons straight at Bucky. Steve tried to get up but Nat had a firm grasp on his shoulder.

“Wait.” she hissed at him.

Steve kept watching as Bucky’s hackles rose and he pulled out his knife, holding it in his left hand.

“Come on out, Schmidt. I know it’s you.” Bucky said, shaking ever so slightly.

A man came out of the shadows of the sunset, wearing a red mask over his face, holding an unconscious person in one of his hands, dragging him on the ground.

Peter.

“It is good to see you again, Winter Soldier.” Schmidt said.

“Don’t call me that.” Bucky told him, his voice tight.

“It is what you are.”

“Why do you have Peter, Schmidt?” Bucky asked.

“Perhaps I believe he could be… useful for HYDRA. Besides, he is of the age we need. But, Mr. Barnes, perhaps we could strike up a deal.”

“I don’t make deals with criminals.”

“Neither do I, and yet, here we are.” Schmidt shot back. Pause.

“Fine. What’s you offer?” Bucky relented.

“You come with me and I leave Mr. Quill here.”

Steve tensed. Bucky shrugged.

“Peter means nothing to me. I’m not going to sacrifice my freedom for him.” Bucky said to Schmidt.

The air was filled with tension, just waiting to crack.

“Alright then, Mr. Barnes. If Peter means nothing to you, perhaps someone else will.”

That was when Steve felt the hands around his arms, pulling them behind his back. He heard Nat yell and scuffling, but it was pointless as he was dragged away from the rock and towards Bucky and Schmidt before being tossed down like a sack of potatoes.

“I will leave the others back there, but maybe I will add them to the pile if you refuse to cooperate.” Schmidt told Bucky.

“What would happen to him?” Bucky asked, his voice quiet.

“Experiments. Doctor Zola needs as many test subjects as possible, mostly for brain tissue. We have been trying to replicate what was done on you for a very long time, Mr. Barnes. This boy could help with that.” Schmidt explained. Steve looked up at Bucky and saw utter fear in his eyes, the hand that was holding the knife was visibly shaking.

“It’s okay, Buck. I’ll go with him. You don’t deserve to live through that again.” Steve told Bucky. He didn’t want to go with Schmidt, obviously, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if Bucky went.

“You don’t deserve to go with him either!” Bucky shouted. He went towards Steve to pick him up off the ground when Schmidt pulled out a gun, aiming it at Bucky, who froze in his tracks.

“You wouldn’t kill me. Not after all that hard work.” Bucky whispered.

“This is true. I will blow your foot off without a second thought, though.”

Steve slowly got up. He could feel rage pulsing inside him. He had never felt so angry. This man was everything Steve hated. He wanted nothing more than to break his nose repeatedly. He wanted him to suffer like he never wanted anyone to suffer before.

He wanted him dead at his feet.

“You can not threaten him like that.” Steve spat at Schmidt, who just gave him an evil smile.

“Mr. Barnes. It is obvious that you are not going to accept my deal. But that’s okay. I do have other methods.” Schmidt said, aiming the gun at Steve.

“I can break you, Mr. Barnes.”

Schmidt pulled the trigger.

Steve felt something push him to the ground.

He felt the warm spray of blood across his face and Bucky

yell

in

pain.

A hole

Right

Through

Bucky’s arm.

Just under the shoulder.

That was when Steve heard a boom and smoke was everywhere.

Schmidt and his men were running away.

Peter was still unconscious on the ground.

Blood  
Bucky

Blood

Bucky Bucky Bucky.

Steve heard Nat’s voice as darkness rushed towards him.

***

 **Time:** _7:37pm_ **Place:** _Unknown_

“There is something I noticed about the boy.” Schmidt told Zola.

“What exactly?”

“When my men saw him in The Waste, he was far smaller. Now in only about ten days he seems to have grown in that of what would take at the very least a few months.”

“Hmmmmmm. This is very interesting.” Zola said, pulling up pictures they had of Stephen Rogers.

“I still can’t belive that girl had a bomb like that. I had them, and because of her they got away.” Schmidt whispered to himself.

“That is very heart breaking, sir. But at the same time I am glad you did not kill Stephen Rogers.”

“Why is that, Doctor Zola?” Schmidt asked.

“Stephen Rogers could be the key. Forget Mr. Barnes. Stephen Rogers could be our Phase Four. Far more useful than Mr. Barnes.” Zola told him.

“So what you are saying is…?”

“I need Stephen Grant Rogers. Alive and willing. James Barnes is useless to me now. Forget the Winter Soldier. We don’t need an upgrade of him,” he paused.

“We need a replacement.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIME FOR A HIATUS (just a short one, I should be back soon, no more then a month, at the most about three weeks actually)  
> I hope you all liked this chapter! Thank you all for reading, subscribing, kudo-ing, bookmarking, and commenting (like I've said before, loveeeee comments)  
> You can always find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com for questions, comments, concerns, whatever.  
> Like I said before, small hiatus, I'll be back soon though.


	15. Safe and Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then it came to him like a landslide, crushing him, the air leaving his lungs.
> 
> “Bucky. Where’s Bucky?” he croaked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars

Bucky’s arm was on fire.

Everything hurt. It all hurt so much.

He welcomed the darkness.

***

“Steve. Wake up. Do not make me give you mouth to mouth.” Nat’s voice floated to him from the darkness. He blinked open his eyes. They felt sticky and heavy. His throat was sore.

“He’s awake! Bruce, pass me that water bottle.” Nat exclaimed. A hand passed her a plastic water bottle and Steve felt sweet coldness on his lips and down his throat as the water trickled in.

Then it came to him like a landslide, crushing him, the air leaving his lungs.

“Bucky. Where’s Bucky?” he croaked out.

“He’s right next to you.” Nat whispered kindly to him. Steve turned his head. He felt a small noise escape his throat.

He was next to him. There was bandages soaked deep red wrapped just under the shoulder. Steve was glad it was wrapped. He didn’t want to see the pink, gooey, flesh he saw earlier.

Bucky’s eyes were closed. His face was pale and flushed at the same time, his dark eyelashes casting shadows across his cheeks. His chest was rising and falling rapidly. Steve felt the wetness of tears glid down his face.

Steve grabbed his hand and it felt hot to the touch. It was on fire, like it was burning a hole through his own hand.

He gripped it tighter, as if he didn’t let go then Bucky wouldn’t let go either.

***

 **Time:** _8:03pm_ **Place:** _Montreal, Canada_

“We have Nat’s location.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this a compromise chapter, hence why it's so short. Turns out my beta reader needs just a little bit more time before they can get working again (like a week or two) so this is what you got. Plus I was missing this fic.  
> Thank you guys for reading, kudo-ing, commenting and all that other fun stuff! If you want to yell at me, you can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com where I am shipping Steve with wayyyyyy to many people. Anyway, once again, thanks for reading!


	16. Broken Crown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “HYDRA. Their power came in during the apocalypse. Sure, they had some before, but now? With solar flares and zombies, the world is in chaos. A perfect world for a new ruler. A new beginning,” Steve explained.
> 
> “What are you saying, exactly?”
> 
> “What I’m saying is… what if HYDRA started this?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "Broken Crown" by Mumford and Sons

“Clint! Sam!” Natasha shouted, waving in front of her haggled group as S.H.I.E.L.D.’s van pulled up. Clint hopped out before the van had even pulled to a complete stop. He rushed over to Nat.

He wanted to hug her, but he realized that might not be the smartest idea in this situation. You had to handle situations just right with Nat, otherwise you would lose one of your balls.

So Clint stopped short just in front of her.

“Nat,” he whispered, drinking her up with his eyes. She had several cuts and bruises, along with being covered in dirt and muck. Her red hair was matted and oily.

She looked amazing.

“Clint! Stop star-gazing at me and help me get these guys to Howard!” Nat screamed at him, shocking him out of his daze.

“Missed you too. Which one of these guys needs the most attention?” Clint asked, looking over her shoulder at the group, his eyes landing at the passed out guy with a bloody arm.

“I’m guessing him.”

Nat nodded and Sam jogged up to them.

“Tony! Bruce! You guys are alive!” he exclaimed.

“Not for long if you guys keep talking!” Bruce shouted at them.

Sam raised his hands in surrender, “Fine, fine. Clint, get a stretcher out from the back of the back of the van so we can carry what’s-his-name back there. Can anyone else just walk themselves?”

Tony and Bruce got up in answer. So did another kid. Then a blonde kid stood up. He looked at Sam, trauma and curiosity in his eyes.

“Sam?” he questioned, cocking his head to one side. Sam felt like he had just been kicked awake. Sam didn’t recognize him at first; he had grown several inches and had to have a lot more muscle than he used too.

“Steve?”

“While it’s nice to know you all know each other, could we please deal with the bleeding guy on the ground?” Tony shouted.

“He’s right. But we will talk more about this,” Steve said to Sam, gesturing around, “later.”

Sam nodded and Clint came back with the stretcher, setting it down right next to the bleeding kid. Sam went over and grabbed him by his ankles, while Clint grabbed him more by the torso.

“1… 2… 3,” Clint counted before they hoisted him up onto the stretcher.

“Wow, he’s heavy. Alright, let’s move,” Clint gasped. Sam and Clint grabbed the stretcher and lifted it up, jogging over to the van.

“Come on Steve. Can you walk?” Nat said to Steve. He nodded and the group walked over to the van.

“How far is it to Howard’s?” Tony asked Nat.

“Considering how fast those guys got here, I’d say fifteen minutes,” she answered. She looked back at the woods to see if there were any stray HYDRA agents following them. Seeing none she turned back to the car and pulled herself in before Clint slammed his foot down on the gas.

***

Bucky had been in Howard’s operating room for three hours.

Steve had fallen asleep outside of it for an hour. He had a nightmare about bullets raining from the sky, people being exploded into bursts of blood all around him.

And he could do nothing but watch.

“Hey Steve,” a voice said. He looked up from his slumped position against the wall and looked up at Nat, who was holding a mug in her hand.

“You look like you need a coffee,” she said, handing the cup down to him. He took a sip. It was filled with cream and sugar.

“Thanks. I needed that. How did you even get a hold of coffee?”

“It is a plant Steve. S.H.I.E.L.D. found a way to grow the stuff,” Nat explained, sliding down the wall besides him.

“Who is S.H.I.E.L.D. anyway? You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know right now. I have enough to deal with. I do have another question for you though. Were you looking for those guys? Tony and Bruce? Is that why we found you that one night?” Steve looked at Nat, whose eyes were closed. She opened them.

“Yes,” she answered.

“Okay. That leads to another question. If those were the guys you were looking for, why were you willing to drive Bucky and me up to Canada? It’s not like you knew I was looking for Howard, and I feel like you didn’t do it out of the sheer goodness of your heart, so tell me,” Steve continued, clutching his coffee cup. Nat took a deep breath before she began.

“It was completely be coincidence I ran into you guys, I’m just telling you that right now. But… it wasn’t just because you were a nice guy that I stuck around. I recognized Bucky, not from the pictures of him, but from when I was at the HYDRA place,” she took another deep breath. Steve could see it was hard for her, talking about HYDRA.

“They… we were in the worst area of the HYDRA facilities. They called it ‘The Red Room’ and there were very few of us there.”

“How long were you in there?” Steve whispered.

“Before the apocalypse. Almost a year before the First Hit. Now, let me continue. HYDRA did experiments on us, there’s so much trauma from it… I wasn’t surprised that Bucky didn’t remember me or recognize me. I think he went through the memory loss the most out of all of us. I didn’t,” she paused, as if trying to collect it all together.

“The thing was, I didn’t break out. Not alone at least. Clint, he had broken in. He was supposed to kill us, we were too dangerous for S.H.I.E.L.D. and it was easy for Clint to sneak in, because he’s a teenager like a bunch of other people in there. But… he just got me out and took me back here. Bucky was left behind. It was a while later when I saw the poster with his face on it, about his escape. We never knew each other’s names, so it was only then I knew who it was, even though a lot of my memories of the place were still, and are still, fuzzy.

“I knew that I should take him back to S.H.I.E.L.D., but you guys seemed pretty okay, so I just figured I would get you guys to where you wanted to go. It was when we stopped at Selvig’s I learned more. Bucky wasn’t just an escapee, he was The Winter Soldier. A genetically altered human who was brainwashed and made into a super soldier. HYDRA was going to make us all like that, but the serum they used was lost. That’s why they started collecting kids, to try and recreate it. It’s been failing each time.”

“So why bring us here? To the people who wanted you and Bucky killed?” Steve asked.

“Because they could help. They helped me, they could help Bucky. They could get him off HYDRA’s radar. He’s been credited with 15 assassinations for HYDRA. They wanted him back.”

“That’s horrible.”

Nat shrugged.

“They’re HYDRA. Of course they’re horrible. Their motto is ‘Cut off one head, two more shall take it’s place.’ I bet they would have started the apocalypse if it could further their gain in power,” Nat stood up and brushed off her pants, then began walking away when something hit Steve.

“But that’s what they did, isn’t it?”

“What?” Nat asked, stopping.

“HYDRA. Their power came in during the apocalypse. Sure, they had some before, but now? With solar flares and zombies, the world is in chaos. A perfect world for a new ruler. A new beginning,” Steve explained.

“What are you saying, exactly?”

“What I’m saying is… what if HYDRA started this?”

***

The door to the operating room finally opened. It had been two hours since Steve delivered his suspicion to Nat, and so far the coffee had done almost nothing to help.

Steve stood up as Howard walked out, rubbing his hands in a cloth and looking tired and weary.

“It’s good to see you again, Steve,” Howard said.

“Bucky. Is he going to be okay?” Steve asked. Howard sighed and rubbed his hands under his glasses.

“He’ll live. But his left arm is damaged beyond repair.”

“What are you saying?”

The world was falling beneath him. Steve felt like he was in the middle of a restless ocean, and the waves kept pulling him deeper and deeper, pushing the air out of his lungs no matter how deep his breaths were. He felt numb. The surface was just there, the sunlight peeking through, but his limbs were just too heavy to swim up anymore, no matter how close he was.

“I had to amputate his arm.”

_No._

“There was no way around it.”

_This can not be happening._

“The infection would have spread throughout his whole body.”

_Please let this just be another nightmare._

“You can see him tomorrow, though he will be pretty doped up on painkillers. I’m truly sorry Stephen. Please excuse me. I need to see my son,” Howard said finally before walking away down the hall.

Once he was out of sight Steve sunk to the floor and sobbed his lungs out.

***

 **Time:** _Sometime before the apocalypse_ **Place:** _The previous Barnes’ residence_

“You killed my mom,” James whispered. He looked at his mother’s corpse, the pool of blood beneath it from the bullet, her empty blue eyes staring up at nothing.

“She did it to herself, James,” the man said, rubbing his shoulder affectionately.

“You’re lying,” he hissed.

“I’m sorry James.”

“She wouldn’t just leave me like this,” James sobbed.

“But she did.”

“No.”

“I’m so sorry Jamie.”

James turned around to the man and twisted his arm so hard it snapped. The man screamed.

“Never call me Jamie again.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No more hiatus guys! *pops open some alcohol-free cider*  
> And yes, this will be continued in a series (just two though, this one and the next) so there will most likely only be a few more chapters of this (somewhere between 5 and 9 I think, but may be changed later)  
> Also chapter updates will be less frequent as they used to be, because both me and my beta reader are busy, plus I'm going to be writing my friend a birthday fic, so yep.  
> Thank you all for reading, leaving comments, kudo-ing, bookmarking, and subscribing! If you want to ask anything or just need to find me I'm at kamalacarter.tumblr.com (I got several messages during the hiatus, it's nice to know you guys like it)  
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! :)


	17. I'm a Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She died. Got the zombie virus. She took herself out,” Steve said quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "I'm a Mess" by Ed Sheeran

Steve stood in front of the door of the room that Bucky was in. He had been moved there just after his surgery, the surgery that had just happened a day earlier.

Howard said he could see Bucky now. He was also on a shit-ton of drugs and would most likely not really be able to talk much about what happened, but Howard said it would be good for him to see a friendly face.

If Steve was completely honest with himself, he did not want to go in that room. If anything, he wanted run away as fast as he could away from it. He wanted to run all the way back to Brooklyn. He wanted to run back in time to when he and Bucky were listening to crappy 80s music in that stupid van, when he was a scrawny and Bucky was two-armed.

But he couldn’t do that. Because it was impossible. What was the point in trying to do the impossible?

He took a deep lungful of air and turned the doorknob, pushing the creaking door open and looking inside.

It was a nice room. The walls were painted a pastel green and the floor was hardwood, which was pretty clean. There was also a window that took up a huge part of one of the walls, letting in the afternoon sunlight. In the middle of the room was a plain bed with some hospital monitors and stuff like that around it, along with a little wooden table with two chairs in the other corner of the room, and there were a couple of paintings of flowers and things like that hanging around.

If he ignored his boyfriend’s body and the burnt out husks of trees outside he could almost believe it was a some-what regular room.

“Who’ that?” Bucky spoke, his words slightly slurred. He lifted his head up and saw it was Steve, then broke into a smile.

“Hey Steve!” he said. Steve tried to pull off a smile, but it felt like someone was just pulling the corners of his mouth.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve replied. He walked over and sat at the chair next to Bucky’s bed. He was trying to look at Bucky’s face instead of the bandaged stump where Bucky’s left arm used to be.

“Where are we?” Bucky asked him. His blue eyes had a cloudy look in them and there were purple circles under them, Steve noticed.

“We’re at the place that you were going to take me. Turns out Nat knows him. Can you believe it?” Steve told him. His mouth still felt like it was not working correctly.

Bucky started laughing. Actually no, giggling would be a more accurate term.

“Why is that so funny?” Steve asked him light-heartedly.

“Cause’ Nat knows the guy you know. It’s just sorta funny right now. This drug thing the man gave me makes everything kinda funny right now,” Bucky explained. The pair lapsed in silence for a few seconds before Bucky asked Steve another question.

“Do you know why my arm is missing?”

Steve’s blood ran cold and his breath hitched in his throat. Bucky just kept looking at him with his wide, curious, drug-filled eyes.

“Steve? Are you okay?” Bucky said, grabbing Steve’s hand. It was comforting at the same time Steve wanted to pull away. But the warmth from Bucky’s palm seemed to just make the world less harsh and cruel. Even just the tiniest bit.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Do… Do you remember what happened? Before we got here?” Steve questioned.

“I remember some things, it’s just kind of blurry right now. I also want to hear it from your perspective,” Bucky fumbled out.

Steve took a deep breath before he began.

“It was is the clearing, Schmidt and his men, they came out of nowhere. Schmidt tried to talk you into coming back to HYDRA, but you said no. So… some of his men came and grabbed me from behind the rock the rest of us were hiding behind and they dragged me out. Schmidt said that if you didn’t come with him that he would perform the experiments on me instead. It’s kind of fuzzy after that, then I remember you were pushing me out of the way and,” Steve’s voice cracked, “your arm. The bullet just mangled it. Then there was smoke everywhere… I don’t remember much of anything after that.”

He could not look at Bucky. His hand was still in his though. Steve did not want Bucky to see that his eyes were filled with tears. He did not need to see that.

“Steve,” Bucky whispered softly. Steve looked up at him. His smile was gone and his eyes were less cloudy. The drug must have been starting to wear off.

“It’s my fault, Bucky. It’s my fault your arm is missing! If I had just fought them off, or hid in a different place, or not have you sent in there, your arm would be fine! Instead I was the dumbass standing directly in the line of a bullet, the bullet that you took. A-and I’m so sorry Bucky! I am so, so, so sorry!” Steve sobbed. The tears that he had been trying to hold back now slipped out, running down his face. Bucky clutched Steve’s hand harder.

“Listen,” Bucky whispered fiercely, “it is not your fault that my arm is gone. I’m not even going to say it’s my fault, because even if I knew I was going to lose my arm, knowing that it would save your life, I would do it again. And again, and again, and again. It’s Schmidt's fault. He put us both in that position, and he should be the one your anger is directed at, not yourself.”

Steve brought Bucky’s hand to his mouth and held it there while he cried, and Bucky let him.

***

“Why did you leave the base?” Howard asked Tony and Bruce, who were seated across the metal table from him.

“We had a hunch,” Tony told him.

“A hunch. A hunch big enough to leave the base for?” Howard questioned.

“Yes, _dad._ We had to leave the base in order to see if we were right,” Tony said.

“And what exactly was this hunch?” Howard questioned, crossing his arms. The boys started looking around the room.

“Are there any video cameras in here, Mr. Stark?” Bruce piped up.

“No,” Howard answered. “Why does that matter?”

“Because we think HYDRA has infiltrated SHIELD and also that they started the apocalypse!” Tony burst out.

There was a silence for a few seconds before Howard started laughing.

“What? What’s so funny?” Tony shouted.

“I’m pretty sure we would know if HYDRA had infiltrated SHIELD. Also, the little apocalypse theory? No one could be that powerful; not even HYDRA could pull that one. Also, I bet that someone else would have thought of that first, someone who has had close experience with HYDRA,” Howard told them. There was a knock on the door.

“Come speak to me later!” Howard shouted at the door.

“Sir, it’s an emergency,” Nat’s voice drifted from the door. Howard sighed and walked over and opened the door.

“What is it, Natasha?”

“I wanted to tell you last night, but I figured I would try and collect some data for it first before I told you-” she hurried. She looked really nervous, and Natasha was a hard person to make nervous.

“Well, what is it?” Howard snapped. Nat took a deep breath.

“I think HYDRA may have started the apocalypse.”

“So what were you saying earlier Dad?” Tony called out from behind him. Bruce shushed him and pulled him back into his seat.

***

Bucky had fallen asleep a little while ago, another thing from the drugs wearing off, and Steve still had not left his side.

There was a knock at the door and Sam Wilson poked his head in.

“Mind if we try and catch up a little bit?” he asked Steve.

“Sure. It’s getting boring in here anyway. Just pull up a chair,” Steve said. Sam walked in, closing the door, and pulled a chair from the table over so he was next to Steve in front of Bucky’s bed.

Sam wound up asking the first question.

“Where’s Peggy?”

Even now it felt like a kick in the chest. Sometimes it was hard to forget that Peggy only died a few weeks ago, when it felt like a lifetime ago, a lifetime that does nothing to heal wounds.

“She died. Got the zombie virus. She took herself out,” Steve said quietly.

There was a moment of silence as Sam processed the information.

“It’s hard to believe that a year ago the three of us were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria cracking jokes about your evil art teacher,” Sam whispered. Steve nodded.

“Yeah. The world seems to have a lot more evil people now then Ms. Sneelburg,” Steve muttered. Sam forced out a laugh.

“Yeah man. A lot worse. I do wonder what happened to Ms. Sneelburg sometimes.”

“She’s probably ripping zombies throats out with her bare teeth.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Steve looked back down at Bucky, his eyes drawn to the bandaged stump.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions. Like how I ended up here,” Sam said.

“You can explain it to me later. I don’t really have the energy for processing any new information right now,” Steve sighed. Sam nodded.

“Sure. Can I ask how the hell you managed to team up with the Winter Soldier?”

“He saved my life. He was a way out of Brooklyn. And his name is Bucky.”

“He sounds like a lot more than transportation.”

Steve chuckled at that.

“Yeah. I may have accidentally fallen in love with him along the way.”

***

**Time:** _Unknown_ **Place:** _HYDRA Base_

“Why exactly does he need to be willing?” Schmidt asked Zola, pulling on his suit.

“I believe that it might help with the process. With the Asset it did not stick fully. It does not even have to be full consent, just enough to weedle into his mind, which will help make the process much harder, or impossible, to reverse,” Zola explained.

“What exactly do you suggest that would make him this ‘slightest bit willing’ you talk about?”

“Use his friends. He seems like a selfless little boy, we can use that.”

“He is also not smart enough to give into us as a weapon like that,” Schmidt muttered.

“What about our previous Asset? Our source says he is now missing his arm from the shot you pulled. Howard Stark is very low on supplies, and I have the materials to make a prosthetic that could actually work. Give the materials to Howard if Stephen Rogers complies.”

“You believe that I would willing give that advantage to SHIELD? Why can I not just lie?”

“It is all part of the psychological process. Lying will not work with this,” Zola said. He grabbed the metal box off his table and set it in front of Schmidt.

“Let’s get to work.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God so close to the end! (Well kinda, because there will be another one.)  
> So yes, there are now two chapters of this left, which I will try and upload as fast as possible, then there will be a little break (about a week, week and a half) before the first chapter of the next one is posted, and the story is going to be called "The Second Winter."  
> Thank you all so very much for reading, kudo-ing, commenting, subscribing, and bookmarking. I realize I say this every time, but really, it's just really nice to know that people like this fic :)  
> Also like I always say, if you want to find me I'm at kamalacarter.tumblr.com and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	18. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To: James Barnes, Consider this a retirement present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "Alone" by Sleeping with the Sirens

Howard said that Bucky needed to be alone for a little bit, said that people might not have been the greatest thing for him at that moment.

When Bucky woke up he almost hyperventilated and went into shock.

Steve really needed some air.

It was not the easiest thing. By the sounds of the place, they usually did not let people go outside for ‘a breath of fresh air’. But he some how managed avoiding the cameras and, with Sam’s help, to get outside the huge metal fence.

Steve went into the woods, to be more accurate, what remained of them, and just kind of stood there, looking up at the sky, taking deep breaths of the air.

That was when he smelled the distinct scent of rotting flesh that he was way too familiar with.

He spun around and saw the zombie rushing towards him. One of its eyes was missing and so was its bottom jaw was missing, it had several maggot holes in its skin.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ Steve thought. He should have brought a gun, or a knife, or just something to protect himself.

The zombie advanced, still with speed Steve did not normally see with zombies. He had to think of something, before he got turned into zombie chow.

He grabbed one of the large branches from the tree behind him and held it out in front of him, like a lance.

The zombie rushed right onto it, straight through the gut. It didn’t kill the zombie but it stopped it in its tracks, which gave Steve enough time to grab a large rock from the ground and bash the zombie in the head.

Steve dropped the rock as the body went slack and it slumped to the ground. His heart was pounding hard and fast in his chest, and his hands were shaking.

Then came the sound of a slow clap from behind him. Steve turned around and saw Schmidt, still wearing that stupid red mask.

“Very well done, Rogers. It’s hard to believe how much your body has progressed ever since the apocalypse started... Yes, I know,” Schmidt said.

Steve wanted to rush at him. He wanted to go at him with everything he had and pummel him into the dirt.

He made a step towards him, ready to do exactly what he was thinking. Schmidt held his hand up.

“I realize I must be the last person you want to see. But I believe I might have something you would want,” Schmidt told him. He grabbed the box beside him. “These are all the parts that Doctor Zola had in his lab that can make a biogenetic arm. An arm that, while made of metal, can act just like a regular arm, stronger even. It is not merely a prosthetic, it is a weapon, a fully functional arm.” He opened the box, revealing organized pieces of metal and a blueprint, showing a metal arm.

“You sound like an infomercial,” Steve said, eyeing the parts. “Besides, why would I need that? In case you haven’t noticed I have two very functional arms right here.”

“Nice try, Rogers. I very well know the condition that Mr. Barnes is in. I also know about Howard’s lack of supplies, but he does have the skill to assemble this arm,” Schmidt took a pause, “I also know your ‘relationship’ with Mr. Barnes and that you’re not one to let a lover be hurt, unless you want to count Peggy Carter…”

Steve tensed. “What do you know about Peggy?” he asked, his voice deadly quiet. Schmidt waved his hand like he was shooing away a fly.

“Nothing important. Still, I am giving you the opportunity for Mr. Barnes to be whole again. Wouldn’t you like that? Wouldn’t he like that?”

“What would the catch be?”

“Like I said before, your growth of strength is fascinating, almost inhuman. HYDRA would like to utilize that. You come with me willingly, then Mr. Barnes gets his arm.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then the deal is off. James will live armless and all of HYDRA’s forces will come at you with everything we have until you are in our possession, and we do not give up easily. Just imagine how many people would die. Or be taken for further experiments. An example is that Natasha Romanov, she did escape from us awhile back, I’m sure we could find her useful in The Red Room again, or perhaps Sam Wilson, he has skills.”

Steve felt himself waver a little bit. He did not want that to happen. But he knew what Schmidt would use him as instead. A puppet. A weapon. A new Winter Soldier, and he would send him after S.H.I.E.L.D., after Bucky.

“While your offer is very tempting, I think I’m going to have to say no,” Steve told him, turning away to walk back to the compound, so he did not see Schmidt’s smile from the mask.

“A temptation is all I need.”

Steve had no time to react and he felt a sharp prick in his neck as a syringe was injected, the fluids already running through his brain. He stumbled and fell to the ground.

“What- what…” Steve slurred. Everything was spinning around him and blurring together.

“It’s just something that we used to create the zombies, a very good knock out drug if I do say so myself,” Schmidt explained, his feet in front of Steve’s face.

“If it makes you feel any better, we are still giving James the arm pieces. It seems only fair. And what’s the point of a game if you can’t be fair? Think of it as a thank you. A thank you for complying,” Schmidt continued.

The world did a 180 spin and faded in a flash of white.

***

Everything felt off. Uneven. Broken.

It was almost hard to believe how aware Bucky was of the fact that his arm was gone. Everything felt unbalanced. Now that the drugs had worn off it was really all he could think about, consuming his mind like a virus. He thought about all the times he had his arm, hard to believe you could take advantage of a god damn arm.

He did not remember what had happened while he was hopped up on drugs. He did remember Steve was there. That’s kind of where it ended.

A thing he did remember was after the drugs wore off he could not remember who he was and he freaked out. Went into shock.

Bucky really wanted to see Steve again.

He woke up in his hospital bed from noise going off in the hallway outside. It was still dark outside and his mind was in high alert mode.

Flinging the covers off he got out of bed, stumbling a little bit when he tried to walk, still unable to fully balance. He swung open the door and saw people rushing around madly.

_I need to find Nat,_ Bucky thought, turning down the hall.

“Bucky! You shouldn’t be out of bed-” Nat told him.

“What’s going on?” Bucky interrupted. He looked around the area. This seemed to be more of a living wing, almost like a dormitory.

He noticed most of the people were crowded around one room.

“Where’s Steve?” Bucky asked.

“Bucky-”

“Where. Is. Steve?” Bucky repeated. He felt coldness spreading through his chest, stopping his lungs from breathing, stopping his heart from beating.

“He’s missing,” Nat whispered. Bucky turned to the room that everyone was crowded in front of, including Bruce, Tony, Peter, and some other kids Bucky did not recognize.

“Is that his room?”

“Yes,” Nat answered. Her voice sounded hoarse.

“Why is everyone standing in front of it?”

“I don’t think I should tell you,” Nat said.

“Fine. I’ll go see myself,” Bucky said, stomping over, pushing people out of the way, aware on how they were staring at his arm, or lack of actually.

“James! You really shouldn’t-” Nat screamed after him but it was too late. Bucky saw exactly what was there.

People had bullies. The bullies that said kind things with fake smiles and you could tell they were obviously tormenting you, but that because of the way it was worded you could not actually say that they were bullying you, because technically they were being nice. Giving you something, but taking things as well.

Bucky saw the metal box open on Steve’s bed.

It was open, showing a blueprint of a metal arm, the parts neatly organized in the box.

There was a little post-it note on it too that read:

_To: James Barnes, Consider this a retirement present._

_From: HYDRA :)_

Bucky could not breathe.

“Steve,” he whispered. He could feel tears trickling down his face.

“Steve!” the scream tore at his throat. He fell to his knees, his hand gripping the carpet, like it was the only thing that was keeping him from falling into the abyss that opened up below him.

He heard someone sit down beside him.

“We’ll get him back,” Nat whispered. Bucky looked back up at the metal arm.

“Of course we’ll get him back. I’ll get him back if it’s the last thing I ever do,” Bucky promised, still looking at the arm.

  
***

**Time:** _Lost count_ **Place:** _Somewhere bad_

“Begin the electro-shock treatment,” Zola ordered.

Steve had lost count on how many times he said that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left to go! Thank you all for reading, commenting, kudo-ing, and all that stuff! You can find me at kamalacarter.tumblr.com and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)


	19. Helena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s the only way to get him back,” Nick explained.
> 
> “With weapons.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "Helena" by My Chemical Romance
> 
> A special thanks to sherstielicious for beta-reading this fic, it wouldn't have worked without you, and she will be joining me for "The Second Winter."

“How is she?” Phil Coulson walked into the lab, walking up beside Nick Fury.

“She’s fine. Better than ever, actually,” Nick replied.

“You didn’t even know her before.”

“I’m assuming.”

There was a pause before Phil asked another question.

“So this is our ace in the hole? Her and James Barnes? That’s our key to getting Steve Rogers back?”

“It’s the only way to get him back,” Nick explained.

“With weapons.”

“With people. Pure, empathetic, good people. People who have had someone they loved stripped away from them, who have been broken and put back together again,” Nick corrected.

“When did you get so poetic?”

“Shut up and bring her out. I’m sure she can’t wait to get out of this lab. I know I can’t,” Fury ordered. Phil nodded and walked out the door and into the twin lab next to the room.

“Miss Carter. Are you ready to help us find Stephen Rogers?” Phil asked the figure in the corner of the room, her brown curls carefully placed over the stitches on the side of her forehead. She stood up and faced him.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” she told him. She walked out the door, Phil trailing behind her. He couldn’t help but marvel about it. Peggy Carter, the agent, the lover, back from the dead.

Phil wondered how exactly HYDRA did it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for such a tiny chapter! For some reason I thought I had already posted it??? So yep, this is the final chapter of the first part, and soon the first chapter for "The Second Winter" will go up!
> 
> Thank you all so, so, so much for reading, kudo-ing, commenting, and all those other things otherwise I would have stopped writing this long ago. You can find me at kamalacarter,tumblr.com and if you want to do me a favor maybe read my fic "Let's Try It Again" which is also on here, just because I spent a long time on it and I really like it. 
> 
> Once again, thank you all so much and I hope you will all enjoy the next story! :)


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